The Small Salma Hayek

In the late 1990s, Salma Hayek spent three years in my garage.  I wanted to keep her in the house but my wife wouldn’t allow for it.

I am not talking about the actress herself.  I am talking about a life-sized cardboard cutout.  Had it been the real Salma Hayek, I would have pleaded much harder to allow her inside the house.

Knowing I had something of a crush on her, a friend of mine managed to find the life-sized cutout of Salma Hayek and gave it to me.  I must admit, finding Salma standing there in my garage each time I came home from work was not unpleasant.  But during one of my spring-cleaning binges, I pitched Salma out along with some scraps of lumber and a trash bag filled with floor sweepings and rags.

Sorry, Salma.  And I especially apologize for the way I folded you up and stomped you flat.

Well, I have great news!  

Salma Hayek arrived at my house again the other day.  She is smaller this time—small enough that I found her in my mail.  She is gracing the cover of my AARP Magazine.

Since I am presently living alone and nobody is the boss of me, Salma will be staying inside the house this time around.

Together Again

—Mitchell Hegman