Stuff I Learned Yesterday

• Attaching a bat house to the gable end of your house does not necessarily mean bats will stop clinging to the stucco just outside your back door.
• Breaking a stick in two may require safety gear.
• Your spouse can remain uncompromisingly beautiful for 72 days in a row.
• No matter how many times I try, my computer is never going to allow me to write “reckless” as “wreckless.”
• TV personality and “health guru” Richard Simmons is still alive, but he has been avoiding the spotlight (just as much as I have been avoiding seeing him there).

—Mitchell Hegman