Signs of Adulthood

You can officially register as an adult if one or more of the following applies to you:

• You can find a flashlight at your house that actually works (other than your smartphone) within two minutes.
• You occasionally check to see if your spare tire(s) are fully inflated.
• You have purchased spices, a throw rug, or a new plumbing fixture within the last six months.
• You feel bad when watching a figure skater fall during a performance.
• You have a bird feeder.
• You need to dig through things to locate a beer in your refrigerator.
• You have a drawer or cabinet where you keep all the warranty papers and instructions for every appliance and tool you purchase.
• You regularly receive mailers for hearing aids.
• You have a favorite brand of trash bags.

—Mitchell Hegman