The Aging Process

I have never firmly established who they are, but they say that cheap wine doesn’t age well. That’s largely true, but when it comes to aging poorly, I think snowmen might be the worst. As a case in point, I give you Filipa, the snow-woman Desiree made the day before yesterday. By yesterday afternoon, the sun had reduced Filipa to a mound of snow.

I’ve posted some images of Filipa. I’m going to miss her standing on the back deck, but the grass below will be happy.

Filipa, Day Two (Morning)

Filipa, Day Two (Afternoon)

Filipa, Yesterday

—Mitchell Hegman

Filipa The Snow-Woman

Yesterday, while some folks in the country were scampering about in swimsuits—and possibly less—here in my corner of Montana, we were wading through nearly a foot of fresh, heavy snow. I woke in the morning to find pine trees transformed into snow ghosts. This particular snow proved perfect for making a snowman—more accurately, a snow-woman.

Technically, Desiree undertook the project of making the snow-woman. I mostly sat inside, drinking coffee, occasionally pressing my nose against the glass at my back door to check on her progress. I did help by hoisting the midsection snowball.

I’m pleased that Desiree has embraced our winter world. You’re not going to escape winter if you live in Montana for any length of time.

Desiree named the snow-woman Filipa.

Early Morning Ghost Trees

Desiree Rolling the Biggest Snowball

Desiree Holding Filipa’s Head

Desiree and Filipa

Filipa’s Face

An Apology

While soaking in my hot tub, it occurred to me that a bit over a year from now I will be embracing the age of seventy. Wow. That’s somewhat mind-boggling. Back when I was in my teens, I thought I would be old when I reached thirty. Now that I’ve reached this point, I think my teens owes my thirty an apology.

—Mitchell Hegman

Descriptors

The following are a few descriptors about me that may be helpful:

• Willing to beg for potato chips.
• Vertically challenged.
• May have fiddled while Rome was burning.
• Considers proper spelling a soft option.
• Has a stuck button.
• Easily distracted.
• Pretty good at dishwashing.
• Saves bent nails.

—Mitchell Hegman

Calculations

I have been scratching out a series of electrical service demand calculations based on provisions found in Article 220 of the 2023 National Electrical Code. As a public service, I will spare you the details and instead offer some solid advice.

Here’s the advice: If, for some inexplicable reason, the urge to take on a service calculation strikes you—just don’t.

—Mitchell Hegman

A Lightning Strike

I would not recommend trotting outside during a severe lightning storm in hopes of getting struck by lightning as a way to change your eye color, but apparently, the opportunity exists.

Take the case of aptly named Carly Electric, a stand-up comedian from Queensland, Australia. One moment, she was outside, filming a brawling lightning storm. The next, she was on the ground, her body seemingly paralyzed, her limbs taking on a peculiar discoloration. Her breathing came in gasps, her nerves ringing like a struck bell. A stroke of lightning had delivered her this way.

Lightning does not tap lightly. Really, it’s an instant touch of hell. And Carly found herself recovering in a hospital—suffering from temporary paralysis, discolored limbs, and breathing difficulties. She remained immobile for nine hours before regaining movement. And then, in the aftermath of survival, she noticed something remarkable—her green eyes were now dark brown.

Doctors believe the change in Carly Electric’s eye color from green to dark brown after being struck by lightning is likely due to damage to the melanin-producing cells in her iris. Carly has made a full recovery and has, thankfully, learned to enjoy the new color of her eyes.

Carly in the Hospital Following the Lighting Strike

Carly with Brown Eyes

—Mitchell Hegman

Descending Words and Thoughts

We have made our mistakes, and replicated them.

 Minuscule is too big a word for something small. Screech should never align with call.

  Up can elevate but not deviate, while frank is better a man than a category of conversation.

   Blasphemy has gangly legs and fruitful should never describe a meeting of morticians.

    Flippant would be better for naming a fish. Phobic is folly while pheasant is fine.

     And, finally, flowers:

      Trillium: yes.

       Chrysanthemum: no.

        Roses: all day long.

—Mitchell Hegman