Life Lessons

• Girls who've dyed their hair purple streaked with pink are people, too.
• Don’t allow the fact that you don’t need a leaf blower deter you from buying one.
• The shortest distance between two points is reserved for plumbers, not electricians.
• No matter how far automobile design and technology progresses, it’s pretty hard to out-awesome a wing window.
• A perfectly good screwdriver is never more than five minutes away from becoming a pry bar.
• Sometimes, you need to accept that recalling how to tie your shoes will mark the peak of your day.
• Compromise is not giving in, it’s giving.

—Mitchell Hegman

The Christmas Thing

At present, we have nine large bins of Christmas decorations. When I say we, I mean Desiree. Unfortunately, by Filipina reckoning, this is merely a modest starting point.

We are going to need more Christmas stuff.

A lot more.

You must remember, in the Philippines (and now in the Hegman domicile), Christmas decorating begins in September. As a point of reference, our tree has been up for several weeks at this point.

To illustrate where I fit in on all of this, I’m sharing a very brief video.

Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/yktpvNhgGqI

—Mitchell Hegman

Strange Displacement

I have a mystery to report. While down at the lakeshore on a “roadwork” mission, I discovered something peculiar. One of the concrete cap blocks on our fire pit had been removed and was upside down on the ground about a foot away. What mostly struck me was the seemingly orderly nature of the scene. No tracks or signs of disturbance.

Neatly removing a block requires effort. The blocks lock in place by means of interlocking flanges and channels. Additionally, I would guess the cap block weighs upwards of ten pounds. But it appeared as though the block had been carefully lifted out of place and purposefully placed on the ground nearby.

Crop-circley weird, this stuff.

But I assume aliens in UFOs have bigger fish to fry. You know, projects like abducting duck hunters so they can probe them anally and screwing with the power grid. I think we can also rule this out as a ghost story. I similarly don’t think we can claim we experienced a pinpoint earthquake. A mouse is not going to hoist one of the blocks and drop it to the ground.

I’ve got nothing on this one. Without a workable explanation, I picked up the block and gingerly placed it back where it belongs.

The Lakeshore Fire Pit

—Mitchell Hegman

In a Row

Driving through the ranchlands today, we flung past about twenty cattle in various poses out in a pasture of sun-cured grass…some were standing, some lying down, but all in an orderly row, as if they were the final, crumbling marble remnants of some ancient civilization. And with AI at our front door, how can I be certain they are not exactly that?

—Mitchell Hegman

69½ Leaves

The quaking aspen tree Desiree and I planted near our hot tub is now down to only 69½ leaves. I counted them myself as I soaked in the tub. If the half-leaf has an interesting story, I’m not privy to it.

I think 69½ is a respectable number for this late date, but I’m not sure about the rules for counting a half-leaf. Does a leaf have to be at least 50 percent intact to qualify for a full count? This may require me to take one more soak and give the issue full consideration.

At this point, I’m not comfortable with dropping the count to 69.

Our Aspen Tree

—Mitchell Hegman

Close to Normal

If you walk down to my lakeshore neighbor’s place, you may, as I did, come across a pile of elk legs. I suppose this might register somewhere on a scale that ranges from odd to macabre in some places. But here in elk-hunting-season Montana, it’s close enough to normal not to register much at all.

A Pile of Elk Legs

—Mitchell Hegman

Underground

Driving past a building under construction with several piles of dirt heaved up alongside, the thought occurred to me that much of my best work is buried underground. Specifically, I'm referring to all the conduits and cable I have buried underground to serve buildings, and the miles of the same stuff I installed and buried under the concrete slabs of buildings.

By dint of either a weird fold in my genetic fabric or some unnamed malady, "dirt work," as we termed it, was my favorite part of the electrical work on a new building. My employer soon developed a habit of having me and another coworker who excelled at operating a backhoe perform all the underground rough-in for new projects.

We got pretty efficient at it and also strove for accuracy in stubbing-up conduits so they landed inside future walls and mechanical chases, where needed to feed panels and equipment. Placing as many conduits for feeders and branch circuits as possible underground saved a lot of labor and materials. First, you could often run diagonally across the building. Additionally, you avoided a lot of the collisions with plumbing pipes and ductwork that occur in the mechanical spaces in the ceilings above.

Good stuff. But nobody sees it.

—Mitchell Hegman