Insert Something Paranormal Here

I’ve posted a photograph I captured with my SLR film camera in 1993. The photograph features Lake Helena under a late, stormy sky. When I look at it, I feel the only thing missing is some sort of paranormal event to fit the mood.

Lake Helena, 1993

—Mitchell Hegman

A New Word

I have always thought that “doublify” should be a word. It would mean something similar to double but with a sense of urgency. Say, for example, you suddenly realize you need a lot more beer, and someone suggests they will make a trip to the store for a 12-pack.

“Doublify that” would be the proper marching order.

—Mitchell Hegman

Life and Soul

George Santayana, the American philosopher best known for the often-misused observation, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,” didn't believe that humans (or any other creatures, for that matter) exist as beings with souls. He viewed consciousness as merely an outgrowth of matter, a chemical trick no more remarkable than acid eating organic matter or a seed germinating.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to prove him wrong.

—Mitchell Hegman

Life Lessons

• Girls who've dyed their hair purple streaked with pink are people, too.
• Don’t allow the fact that you don’t need a leaf blower deter you from buying one.
• The shortest distance between two points is reserved for plumbers, not electricians.
• No matter how far automobile design and technology progresses, it’s pretty hard to out-awesome a wing window.
• A perfectly good screwdriver is never more than five minutes away from becoming a pry bar.
• Sometimes, you need to accept that recalling how to tie your shoes will mark the peak of your day.
• Compromise is not giving in, it’s giving.

—Mitchell Hegman

The Christmas Thing

At present, we have nine large bins of Christmas decorations. When I say we, I mean Desiree. Unfortunately, by Filipina reckoning, this is merely a modest starting point.

We are going to need more Christmas stuff.

A lot more.

You must remember, in the Philippines (and now in the Hegman domicile), Christmas decorating begins in September. As a point of reference, our tree has been up for several weeks at this point.

To illustrate where I fit in on all of this, I’m sharing a very brief video.

Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/yktpvNhgGqI

—Mitchell Hegman

Strange Displacement

I have a mystery to report. While down at the lakeshore on a “roadwork” mission, I discovered something peculiar. One of the concrete cap blocks on our fire pit had been removed and was upside down on the ground about a foot away. What mostly struck me was the seemingly orderly nature of the scene. No tracks or signs of disturbance.

Neatly removing a block requires effort. The blocks lock in place by means of interlocking flanges and channels. Additionally, I would guess the cap block weighs upwards of ten pounds. But it appeared as though the block had been carefully lifted out of place and purposefully placed on the ground nearby.

Crop-circley weird, this stuff.

But I assume aliens in UFOs have bigger fish to fry. You know, projects like abducting duck hunters so they can probe them anally and screwing with the power grid. I think we can also rule this out as a ghost story. I similarly don’t think we can claim we experienced a pinpoint earthquake. A mouse is not going to hoist one of the blocks and drop it to the ground.

I’ve got nothing on this one. Without a workable explanation, I picked up the block and gingerly placed it back where it belongs.

The Lakeshore Fire Pit

—Mitchell Hegman

In a Row

Driving through the ranchlands today, we flung past about twenty cattle in various poses out in a pasture of sun-cured grass…some were standing, some lying down, but all in an orderly row, as if they were the final, crumbling marble remnants of some ancient civilization. And with AI at our front door, how can I be certain they are not exactly that?

—Mitchell Hegman