Badminton

Playing badminton professionally is probably the very best way to assure that you will never become famous.  Badminton is a sport that involves rackets, a net, and a shuttlecock.  The basic premise of the game is to smack the shuttlecock—which, incidentally, looks like the ass of some sort of bird—back and forth over the net.  Scoring is also a part of the game.

Badminton is best played while wearing clothing, mostly for the sake of those watching.  The game is typically played indoors on a rectangular court, and there are strict rules governing the conduct of the players.  As example, badminton players are not allowed to spit on opposing players or discharge a firearm in their direction.  Firing a pistol in the air, though not specifically prohibited, is considered a form of poor sportsmanship.   A badminton game is similar to tennis with the notable exception that the players wear much cheaper sportswear.  The game ends at a score of 21, but usually nobody pays much attention to how the score got there.  A match will consist of 3 games.

Apparently, doping has become a huge problem in the badminton community.  This may be a result of boredom rather than hopes of enhancing performance.   Finding a decent badminton coach may also be a problem since interest in the sport tends to decline as people find need to secure actual jobs.  Another problem might be determining the appropriate worker’s compensation rate. 

Badminton leagues and tournaments are generally conducted in larger metropolitan areas where other questionable lifestyles tend to thrive.  Badminton, finally, is an Olympic sport.  Tickets are available.

--Mitchell Hegman