A Woman with Three Breasts

I am relatively normal if you don’t count the time I accidentally hit myself in the head with a hammer or the time I hugged a girl in a chicken suit and liked the thought of hugging a chicken at least twice as much as I should have.  “You jumped right up into that chicken’s arms!” my friend said in a specter of shock after witnessing me with the chicken.

In fairness, that was a very attractive chicken.

At any rate, I am actually trying to express that I like breasts as much as the next guy.

Let me start over.

The other day, I read an article about a woman from Tampa, Florida who had a third breast implanted on her chest.  As I said, I like breasts, but I have established a fairly strict limit of two breasts per woman.  For one thing—as much as I struggled with trying to unlatch a bra made for two breasts—I cannot fathom what mess I would make with a third breast in the mix.  I will allow you to draw the images for that in your own mind.

Also, three breasts is a bit too close to planet Pablo Picasso for my liking.  Good for paintings but a bit too ambitious for cleavage lines.

According to the article I read in the Tampa Bay Times, Alisha Jasmine Hessler, age 21, had a plastic surgeon implant a third breast on her chest. She also started calling herself “Alisha Tridevil.”  Her story quickly began to unravel as an apparent hoax when her luggage was stolen and police discovered a “three-breast prosthesis” inside one of her suitcases before they returned the items they had recovered.  Her motive for sporting a third breast appears to be the desire for an MTV reality show.

While I am not terribly interested in a girl with three breasts, fake or not, I have a brother-in-law who may find something of value in that.   And if the MTV thing never works out, Alisha Tridevil would be a perfect spokesperson for Monsanto.

--Mitchell Hegman