Stupid

Back in my days of working construction, I had a habit of teasing everyone on the construction site.  Toward that end, I made up a variety of sayings and nonsensical statements that I would blurt out to fellow workers when I bumped into them.  One of those saw me walking up to someone and asking: “So…what kind of a pid are you?  Are you the stu kind of pid?”

As it turns out, I am the stu kind of pid.

My problem is doors.

That’s correct.  Doors.  The ones you open and walk through and the ones you open before pulling out your automobile.  I wrote about this previously, but the problem persists.  I think I may be getting stu-pid-iter.

Push and pull doors completely kick my ass.  I am always pushing on the pull doors and pulling on the push ones.  If a sign is posted to tell me which kind of door I am dealing with, I invariably do the opposite of what the sign says.  I usually end up crashing into the pull doors.

 

My garage door is the most baffling—which is weird because opening the door is a simple matter of pressing a button.  The exact problem is that it is one of two buttons.  My job, so to speak, is to press the correct button and open my door.

I seldom press the correct button.

Worse yet, I not only wired and installed the buttons—I have also been using them for a full twenty-four years.  In spite of that, I regularly press the wrong button and open the wrong door.  Just yesterday, I failed to open the correct door (on my first attempt) when leaving my house in morning and then pressed the wrong button to close the door when I entered the house last night.

What the fuckity-fuck?  How hard is this stuff?

What kind of pid am I?

--Mitchell Hegman