Here is the conversation I imagined:
Research Scientist: “I have an idea for a new research project.”
Lab Supervisor: “What sort of research?”
Research Scientist: “I want to give dope to octopuses.”
Lab Supervisor: “Dope?”
Research Scientist: “Yes.
MDMA…you know, ecstasy, Molly.”
Lab Supervisor: “To what end? What do you expect to learn from this research?”
Research Scientist: “We are talking octopuses on ecstacy! I think that stands alone. We are
breaking new ground here.”
Lab Supervisor: “You make a good point. I’ll seek some funding.”
As it turns out, neuroscientists from
Johns Hopkins University did manage to get some octopuses high on Molly. They were curious to see how the normally
solitary and shy sea creatures would react.
One of the researchers, Gül Dölen, noted
that the brain of an octopus is built completely different from the human
brain. “It’s organized much more like a snail’s brain than ours,” Dölen noted.
On a personal note, more than a few of
my old high school buddies also have brains organized like a snail’s brain, so
I’m not quite understanding the significance of that.
After much experimentation,
researchers discovered that high doses of Molly “freaked out” octopuses and
made them go through a bunch of weird color changes. When given the “proper” dosage of ecstacy,
the octopuses became playful and openly friendly toward other octopuses. They became touchy-feely.
Pretty good stuff to know, I guess.
And your average octopus has the potential
for a lot of touchy-feely; so you might consider that if you ever get the
chance drop Molly with an octopus.
--Mitchell Hegman
I read that article. That octopuses became friendly after ingesting ecstasy was interesting but I'd rather humans leave the octopuses alone and not use them for experimentation. It's bad enough that we eat the poor creatures. Would be better if they give ecstasy to the hate-filled monsters in Washington's stinky murky swamp led by a pretentious crook and propped up by greedy power hungry evangelical hypocrites and sycophants with no care for the rest of the struggling people and the downtrodden and persecuted in the world.
ReplyDeleteAs a collective, we tend to fiddle with everything...not always in a helpful manner. I have never eaten an octopus. Washington is a mess. But, mostly, I am happy to see you back!
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