The Planet Formerly Named Earth

I am worried about something.

Names.

I am worried about names. 

Let’s start with rock bands.   Take, for example, “Death Cab for Cutie.”  Great music.  Strange name.  And let’s not forget “Toad the Wet Sprocket.”  Another oddly-named band that has also cut some nice tunes.

I recently came across a group called “Flowers Must Die,” a Swedish psych band.  Their music is something of a cross between pouring a bucket of marbles on guitar strings and beating a piano to death with pillows.  I guess what I am trying to say is: their name actually fits.  

I have previously carped about the names of paint colors.   We have, in this category, “Tornado Season” by Behr.  This color is something of a graying blue.  And, according to information I found posted on Farrow & Ball, the color “Arsenic” is a “lively mint green.”

“Question!!!”

“Yes, Mitch?”

“Why not call it mint green?”

So, I was thinking about planets.

What if the same folks responsible for naming rock bands and paint colors take over the naming of planets.  Perhaps me might end up with, “The Planet Formerly Named Earth.”   Maybe a future destination would be a planet named “Non-Committal Crickets” or an Earth-like discovery named “The Lawn Mowers.”

“Question!!!”

“Yes, Mitch?”

“Did Frank Zappa actually name his son Dweezil and his daughter Moon Unit?”

—Mitchell Hegman