I have updated my bucket list. Here it is:
- Fell at least one tree in the direction I intend
- Invent edible, bacon-flavored duct tape
- Cure stupidity
- Work on the production crew of Discovery Channel’s Naked and Afraid as the guy who blurs out the survivalist’s private parts (I have a few creative ideas)
- Find the lost city of Atlantis
- Teach our thirty and forty-something “kids” how to dial their smartphones so they can call us once in a while
- Develop a phone app that will emit a shrill tone whenever someone is lying to you
- List Salma Hayek as the eighth natural wonder of the world
—Mitchell Hegman
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