Permission

• You are allowed to refer to your age in halves (for example, 6½ years old) until you reach the age of 10.  From then on, whole numbers are required until the age of 59½.  You can use 59½ because at that weird age the 10% early withdrawal penalty on IRA distributions ends.
• It’s okay to love either bats or snakes, but spiders are a no-go.
• Calling someone a butthole is acceptable if they take up two car spaces when parking or they tell you they wish winters were longer.
• As long as you don’t break it, roughing-up a vending machine is fine.
• Naming half-ton cow “Dainty” is acceptable in either Montana or Wyoming.
• It you are smart (like every electrician I worked with) you don’t need to read instructions before assembly.

—Mitchell Hegman