The Heat

Here is the traditional version for remembering the length of the months:

Thirty days hath September, April, June, and November.  When short February comes, all the rest have thirty-one.

Here is my new and improved version:

Thirty days has September, April, June, and November.  When August arrives, I want to switch back to June because I really dislike the heat.

—Mitchell Hegman

A Good Year

It’s been a pretty good year so far.  I have not struck any birds with my car, have broken only one bowl while washing dishes, and I saw a moose.  That’s impressive by any measure.

—Mitchell Hegman

Daisy Lust

To preserve its own life, a mountain lion stalks and brings down a deer. Make no mistake, the same robust lust for survival courses through the slightest daisy, emerging from a jagged crack in the cityscape concrete. And the same is present in the crumpled old man who scooped the last box of macaroni and cheese off the grocery shelf just before you reached for it.

—Mitchell Hegman

Nighthawks

Last evening, I witnessed a flyover of the most nighthawks I have seen assembled in perhaps twenty years. Something near a dozen of them came veering by as Desiree sat in the hot tub. The nighthawk birds found in Montana, known as the Common Nighthawk, exhibit fascinating characteristics. They are primarily crepuscular and nocturnal, meaning they are most active during dawn and dusk, making them a remarkable sight during those twilight hours.

Nighthawks are known for their extraordinary migratory habits. During the breeding season, they can be found nesting in Montana's open landscapes and grasslands. However, as summer draws to a close, they embark on their impressive southward migration to warmer regions in Central and South America for the winter. This migratory journey often spans thousands of miles.

Nighthawks are insectivores and primarily feed on flying insects like moths, beetles, and flying ants. These birds have a unique and mesmerizing hunting technique: they fly with acrobatic grace, performing aerial dives and loops to catch their prey in mid-air. One of the most remarkable behaviors of the Common Nighthawk is its habit of "plunging" or performing a "booming" display. This is a unique courtship behavior typically observed in males during the breeding season.

As part of their elaborate mating ritual, male nighthawks ascend to a considerable height in the sky, often hundreds of feet above the ground. They then suddenly and dramatically tuck in their wings, effectively entering a free-fall or plunge towards the earth. As they descend, the air rushing through their wing feathers creates a distinctive booming or "booming" sound. This sound is created by a combination of wing shape, wing loading, and air pressure during the dive, and it is one of the characteristic sounds of summer evenings in areas where nighthawks are present.

—Mitchell Hegman

Image: Wikipedia

My Personal Periodic Table of Elements

I have been working up my own periodic table of table of important “elements” in my life.  Following are a few I have identified along with their chemical symbol abbreviations:  

Hu – Huckleberry

Cb – Beer (Preferably a Cold Smoke)

Dz – Desiree

St – Scotch

Co – Coffee

Rg – Good (Collectable) Rock

Hp – Houseplant

Br – Broccoli

Hu – Huckleberry

Tp – Toilet Paper

—Mitchell Hegman

Springfield

There are a staggering 34 towns in the USA named Springfield. I discovered this when I chanced upon a sprawling roadmap showing the best route to see all of them.

Thought-provoking, that.

Just for fun, I asked Chat GPT (an artificial intelligence in the form of a language model-based chatbot) to tick off a few details about the various Springfields. How long might it take to drive to see all of them? Which Springfield is the nearest to Helena, Montana?

Shockingly, the chatbot offered me this:

“As we navigate our way through the diverse landscapes of the USA, we find ourselves closest to Helena, Montana. Nestled amid the breathtaking Rocky Mountains, we encounter the gem of the West: Springfield, Montana. While not the state capital like its more famous namesake in Illinois, this Springfield boasts a magnetic allure with its stunning natural beauty, friendly locals, and a range of outdoor activities that are sure to captivate any adventurer.”

Well, that's a miss. There is no town in Montana named Springfield. AI just made up some stuff that sounded good.

After retooling, I found the nearest Springfield to Helena, Montana, is Springfield, Idaho, some 317 miles directly southwest just off Interstate 15. As best I can tell, driving to all of the Springfields would take the better part of two weeks.

One final note, AI also told me Springfield, Idaho, was only 77 miles from Helena, Montana.  Another miss.  If you can’t trust a chatbot, who or what can you trust?

—Mitchell Hegman

Fossil Fever

As much as I love rocks and rockhounding, I never developed gold fever. For one thing, the processes for finding gold are often too big and complicated to bring me pleasure. Perhaps, more than anything, I don’t actually find gold particularly pretty. I like minerals with some punch: sapphires, diamonds, that kind of thing.

If I have anything, I have "fossil fever." Nothing matches the thrill of finding a large chunk of petrified wood or the fossil of a perfectly preserved sea creature dating back hundreds of millions of years. As a young boy, my head was filled with thoughts of tyrannosaurs and triceratops and the exotic world they inhabited. I didn't fully outgrow that.

Petrified Wood and Crinoid Fossils

—Mitchell Hegman

Game Camera Capture

I placed my game camera about fifty feet from my cabin and directed it to capture any critter wandering down to the nearby creek. I have previously focused on the same spot and collected images of deer, a fox, and a mountain lion.

Checking the card after ten days, I caught (as previously) a lot of deer crossing the spot. But this time, I also managed to catch a cow and calf moose heading down to the water. You can see a bit of my cabin in the upper left of the image I am sharing today.

—Mitchell Hegman

Light Without Control

While exiting the master bathroom after showering early in the morning, I found myself repeatedly poking at the rocker switch for the light.  “Jeez,” I asked myself, “Why won’t the light turn off?”  Only after about five or so pokes did I realize I was trying to turn off the sun and all the light streaming in through the blinds at the window.

Note to self: Embrace your dumb.

—Mitchell Hegman

Power Production

As far as power production goes, (size, if you prefer), I have a modest solar PV system. Given various limiting factors, my maximum production lands at somewhere near 3,600 watts of electrical power at 240 volts. Translated into current, this yields 15 Amps.

Of course, energy produced by a PV array is very much dependent on sunlight, and power will peak only when the sunlight strikes the modules (and cells) in a direct fashion. For this reason, production charted on a fixed array such as mine follows a bell curve, mirroring the path of the sun from sunrise to sunset.

My system is net-metered, meaning any power I produce and don’t use is pushed back onto the grid for use by others, and I get credited for this. Last month, I produced enough power that between what I used and what I pushed back onto the grid, I offset my power bill by $80.

Yesterday, just because I have the technology, I measured the current being produced by my PV array at a little before noon. I measured 12.3 amps.

I like 12.3 amps!

I have posted a few photographs to showcase my solar PV system (since I have the technology to do that, too).

My PV System at Work

A Charted Day of Production from My Array

12.3 Amps!

—Mitchell Hegman

Needle-and-Thread Grass

Needle-and-thread grass, also known as porcupine grass, is a species native to the western United States. Its range stretches from the Great Plains to the Intermountain West and extends into parts of California and Oregon. This perennial bunchgrass has evolved to thrive in arid and semi-arid regions, showcasing its impressive drought tolerance. The plant's unique name is derived from the needle-like awns that extend from its seeds, resembling a needle threaded through fabric.  As kids we called it spear grass.

This year, given our exceptionally wet spring, the needle-and-thread grass produced an abundance of seeds.  The seeds are now fully cured and shedding from the tall (sometimes two foot) stalks that produced them.  A short walk through the prairie near my house will usually lead to at least one seed getting caught in my socks.  On occasion one of the seeds will stick in my skin and compel me to yelp.  I have posted a photograph of one of my socks after a walk.

Needle-and-Thread Grass

My Sock

Needle-and-Thread Seed

—Mitchell Hegman

All About Me

• Saving a bug by picking it up from my carpet and releasing it outside is enough to make for a great day.
• I find no need to be a good golfer.
• Desiree taught me a bad word in Tagalog but I already forgot it.
• Bolting into North Korea (if I ever got near the border) is likely the last thing I would consider.
• I’ve occasionally wondered why we call someone afraid of doing something “chicken,” but have not wondered enough to make a Google search to find out why. 
• I think stuff that is “for the birds” is good stuff, because I like birds.
• I subscribe to the idea you cannot have too many flashlights.

—Mitchell Hegman

Unusual Job Tittles

Multifunctional Assistant – Someone who provides customer service

Colon Lover – Copywriter

Oxford Comma Destroyer – Copywriter

Brogrammer – A masculine software developer

Code Monkey – Software designer

Captain Under-Appreciated – An office manager

Chief of Other Stuff No One Wants to Take Care Of – Chief operating officer

Head Unicorn Wrangler – Chief technology officer

Director of First Impressions – An office manager

Paranoid-in-Chief – The chief information security officer at Yahoo

Historical Gastronomist – Someone who researches and recreates ancient recipes and culinary practices

—Mitchell Hegman

Source: novoresume.com, ChatGPT

Monkey Flowers, Desiree, Lupine, and Time Gone Wonky

Desiree and I took an early morning drive up Minnehaha Creek Road, just below Rimini. As a quick public service note, the name "Minnehaha" often is incorrectly said to mean "laughing water.'' A more accurate translation yields "water waterfall'' in Dakota.

Accurately translated or not, the Minnehaha drainage is lush and green this year. We saw lovely collections of beargrass, paintbrush, and false hellebore, but we found the most impressive gathering of flowers just off the road, where a small spring provided moisture for a bouquet of monkey flowers attended by lupine. I captured a photograph of Desiree there.

A weird thing happened on the way down. For some reason, the clock on my car’s instrument panel went wonky and threw itself off by five hours. What makes this especially strange is the same thing happened to my automobile’s clock last year when we drove Minnehaha Creek Road. I distinctly remember that because it freaked me out righteously. The time irregularity has never occurred anywhere else. Apparently, some manner of time vortex, or magnetic anomaly, or, well, something-or-other exists on Minnehaha Creek Road. I captured an image of the time on Desiree’s smartphone, alongside the car’s time. By the time we arrived back in Helena, the time had returned to normal.

Monkey Flowers, Desiree, Lupine

Strange Time Phenomenon

—Mitchell Hegman

A Reconfigured Adage

The adage “There is a right way and wrong way to do things” is not fully accurate. In order to account for me, the saying should be: “There is a right way and many costly wrong ways to do things.”

—Mitchell Hegman

Litson

Litson, also known as lechon, refers to a whole roasted pig, meticulously cooked to perfection in Filipino style.  Litson is considered a centerpiece dish in many festive occasions and celebrations across the Philippines. The process of preparing litson involves marinating the pig in a blend of aromatic spices and herbs, followed by slow-roasting over an open fire or in a specialized oven called a "lechonero." This traditional cooking method results in a crispy, golden-brown skin that encases extremely tender meat. The litson's flavor is further enhanced by stuffing the pig's cavity with lemongrass, garlic, and other fragrant ingredients, infusing it with a scrumptious aroma.

Yesterday, a host of Filipinos and their families descended upon our lakefront for a feast with litson at the center.  We hand-turned the pig on a spit for three hours to bring it to a deep golden brown.  Spending an entire day surrounded by Filipino families and sharing a feast with them is a lovely and fulfilling treat.  In the Philippines family is first and sharing food is second.

Thanks to everyone for a fantastic day!

The “Overnighters”

—Mitchell Hegman

Fencing (Thoughts)

• We build the fence and then must decide if we are fencing something out or fencing ourselves in.
• Is there some kind of fencing that will hold both horses and the subsequent weeds on over-grazed paddocks?
• Following the rolling earth, the rises the falls of grassy hills, or even running straight as the flight of an arrow through a mile or more of scrub, a fence can be aesthetically pleasing.
• Is the difference between a gate and a door the same as the difference between a fence and a wall?
• Open range states, like Montana, follow a system of "fence-out" laws. According to these laws, landowners are generally responsible for fencing their property if they want to keep livestock, such as cattle, out.
• Deer will not respect a low fence.

—Mitchell Hegman

Bumblebees

If, like me, you remember being told that thing where bumblebees should not be able to fly from the standpoint of aerodynamics, well, I have bad news: it's not true. Apparently, the idea that bumblebees defy the principles of aerodynamics and shouldn't be able to fly originated from a misunderstanding of early aerodynamic calculations in the 1930s.

That said, I made some interesting observations concerning bumblebees.

At present, my big leaf linden tree is displaying in full bloom. The entire tree has been swarmed by a mix of honeybees, bumblebees, flies, and butterflies. There is no agreeable way to put this: the bumblebees really are bumblers. They are sorta chunky to begin with. And when the wind knocks the branches around a little, I noticed a few bumblebees plummeting from the flower clusters, seemingly unable to hang on. After freefalling for a foot or so, the bees would crank up their wings and fly up into the flowers for another run.

To be fair, it could be their 'style' is to freefall before launching at the next flower. I don’t know, but I rather enjoyed watching them.  Normally, honeybees get all the attention.

Finally, bumblebees do one thing for me that a honeybee cannot do: they pollinate huckleberries. Due to the structure and orientation of huckleberry flowers, honeybees are unable to access lunch there and ignore them. Bumblebees grasp the huckleberry blossoms and 'buzz pollinate' them, rattling free what they want.

Thank you, bumblebees.

A Bumblebee at Work in my Tree

—Mitchell Hegman

A Crinoid Fossil

Many of the mountains surrounding Helena, Montana, are the upturned remnants of Madison Limestone, a geological treasure formed approximately 330 million years ago during the Mississippian Period. Composed mainly of limestone, this rock formation originated in a shallow sea that covered the region. During the Mississippian Period, Montana was located near the equator and experienced warm, tropical conditions. The limestone layers hold a fascinating array of crinoid fossils, providing insights into ancient marine life.

These creatures are considerably older than the dinosaurs.  Consider, Tyrannosaurus rex, one of the most iconic and fearsome dinosaurs, roamed what is now Montana during the Late Cretaceous Period, approximately 68 to 66 million years ago.

Crinoids, also known as sea lilies or feather stars, were diverse marine organisms resembling flowers on stalks. Flourishing during the Paleozoic Era, they left behind a rich fossil record. The Madison Limestone's fine-grained composition preserved these delicate crinoid fossils exceptionally well.

Yesterday, while kicking around on my property, I picked up a chunk of limestone and found a lovely crinoid fossil embedded within it.

Crinoid Fossil

Close Up

—Mitchell Hegman

The Lifted Lemonade

A strange thing happened at the grocery. First, we got behind a super slow middle-aged man at the checkout stand. He was slow enough at bagging his own goods (which was required) that we stepped back to allow him to finish, while another customer with a handful of items passed through us as we waited. Our goods ended up piling almost directly against his after being scanned. After the guy finally finished (with another customer now pressing against us), Desiree and I quickly swept in to bag our groceries.

When I picked up a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade, I immediately noticed only five bottles in the box. I felt certain it held six bottles when I pulled it off the shelf. Desiree handled the six-pack at the checkout conveyor, and the store employee who scanned it didn't notice a missing bottle.

The clerk allowed me to fetch a full six-pack. As we finally pushed off with our cart to exit the store, I said to Desiree, “I'm certain that six-pack was full when we picked it up.”

“I thought so, too,” Desiree remarked.

“I think the guy ahead of us lifted one of the bottles.”

“You think?”

“I do.” I shrugged my shoulders. “People are weird.”

—Mitchell Hegman

In the Bag

I am a pretty big fan of the reality program Naked and Afraid. While a majority of the “reality” programs are mostly contrived situations and largely fake drama, I think Naked and Afraid is mostly legit. Participants on that series endure legitimate hardships and sometimes end up with severe injuries and sickness.

Desiree and I always tease each other about being participants on the show. Neither of us thinks we would make it more than a day or two of the allotted 21 days – especially in some insect-infested jungle.

One of the features in the show is that participants are able to bring along one personal survival item. Contestants often choose a fire starter or a big knife. Some are a bit more inventive and choose to take on a pot for boiling water, a mosquito net, or perhaps some kind of rope or line.  These items are included in a bag made from natural materials each person is given at the outset.

While watching an episode the other day, I asked Desiree, “What item would you take along?” Even before she could answer, I said, “I am going to take a bottle of vinegar. I need that.”

“I will take candy bars,” Desiree proclaimed.

“Good thinking. I’m pretty sure we can make it for at least a day as a team.”

—Mitchell Hegman

Morning Report for July 10, 2023

Only a few things to report. First, a doe mule deer has found and chomped on several plants that deer are not supposed to eat. No real surprise there. For the last couple of evenings, we have experienced sun-shower rains. Pretty, but strange. Inside the house, I spend a lot of time chasing moths around, and they are not particularly helpful when you are painting a ceiling. Finally, yes, I did spill coffee all over the counter, down the front of the cabinets, and across a swath of the floor.

—Mitchell Hegman

Love Without Weight

It suddenly matters

that the single hoofprint of a deer is vaguely heart-shaped.

The impression remains on the open earth,

untouched by wind.

Having collected last night’s rainwater,

the print reflects in an upturned way

and captures the sun loving itself

in a manner that most of us do not love ourselves.

—Mitchell Hegman

Ceiling Progress Report

I've been piddling around a bit with work on the fancy ceiling we are putting together for our master bedroom. Progress is slow on purpose. I can't really get after things until this fall when we plan to move everything out of that bedroom and begin sleeping in what is now a spare bedroom next door.

Posted today is a photograph of the center portion of the ceiling. I've repainted that section and installed a new LED light. 

And just because I'm calling the shots, I'm throwing in (at no extra cost) a picture of my lemon tree below the ceiling. As always, I added a can of Cold Smoke beer for a sense of scale.

You're so welcome!

Ceiling Progress

Lemon Tree and Ceiling

—Mitchell Hegman

Dead for Just an Instant

Over the years, a variety of people have told me that when you sneeze, you are as near to death as you will ever get while alive. Some have even insisted that we are, in fact, dead for that instant when we sneeze because our heart and all vital functions cease.

Of course, this is a persistent old wives' tale.

The nearest we ever get to death and momentarily cease all life functions is actually in that instant when we think we've lost our smartphone.

—Mitchell Hegman

Herbs and Spices with Twist

Life is more interesting when you misread things.  While shopping with Desiree at one of our local grocery stores, I walked by a produce display featuring fresh herbs and spices.  A package label caught my eye as I whisked by.  “Wow,” I thought to myself.   “That’s a cool thing!”

According to the label, the package contained Organic Poetry Blend, herbs and spices.

I stopped after a couple more steps.  Wait.  What is poetry blend?

I walked back to investigate.

Posted is a photograph of the package in question.

—Mitchell Hegman

Stupid Busy

Over the weekend, a 58-year-old man drowned after falling off a jet-ski in Hauser Lake, a couple of miles from my lakeshore property. The man, his wife, and their dog were on the jet-ski when it tipped over and spilled them into the water. Neither rider was wearing a life preserver.

I was down at the lake near the same time the drowning occurred. At that time, the lake was what I call “stupid busy.'” There were at least two dozen watercraft (a mix of boats and jet-skis) pinballing and bucking about amid huge waves produced by wakeboarding boats.

“I wouldn’t even put my boat out in that mess if you paid me to,” I told a couple of lakeshore neighbors as we sat in some shade, watching from the shore. “At this rate, somebody is going to get killed out there.”

I’m not sure if the heavy waves and the 'stupid busy' atmosphere played a part in the drowning, but the shore is the only place for me when everyone comes out to play on the weekends.

—Mitchell Hegman

Independence Day

When I first Googled “independence day” using lowercase first letters, I ended up with this as a first hit: Independence Day is a blockbuster movie from 1996 starring Will Smith.

When I Googled “Independence Day'” using capital first letters, I ended up with this: Independence Day (colloquially the Fourth of July) is a federal holiday in the United States commemorating the Declaration of Independence, which was ratified by the Second Continental Congress on July 4, 1776, establishing the United States of America.

Now, the internet has corrected itself and properly displays “ratifying the Declaration of Independence” no matter how I enter the Google query.

Thank you, internet.

Happy Independence Day, America!

—Mitchell Hegman

The Musical Version

I tend to adopt bastardized or altered forms of words or phrases when they please me, for whatever reason. In my years immediately after high school, I worked with a gentleman who substituted the word “squirrel” for “girl.” Before long, he and I started singing “go away, little squirrel.” That has stuck with me to this day.

Another one that stuck is a new way to pronounce “binoculars.” This one came from a little kid who had his own version: “by-nock-lee-urs.” Well, that's now permanently with me, too.

Desiree often uses the phrase “blah, blah, blah,” but she says it in this fashion: “ba-la, ba-la, ba-la.” A sort of musical version. I like it!

—Mitchell Hegman

Stage Name

Eilleen Regina Edwards has sold more than 85 million albums and is one of the top-selling female artists in country music history. Don't recognize that name? Try this: Shania Twain. Shania, like so many other entertainers, became famous using a stage name. Some used a single moniker like Sting or Prince, while others ventured into different territory, such as Engelbert Humperdinck.

If you want to be a porn star, some suggest using the name of your first pet as your first name and the name of the street you grew up on as your surname. Using this trick, my name would be Sandalwood Groschell.

Not bad, but it's not really my style. I prefer something with a bit more resonance.

Here is my new stage name: Mitchell M. Mitchell.

What's your name?"

—Mitchell Hegman

Things That Don’t Matter to Me

• You know those extra buttons sew to labels inside button-up shirts?  Those don’t matter to me.
• Oscar winners don’t matter.
• Getting my hair trimmed only matters when Desiree says it matters.
• The scientific name for a rubber tree doesn’t matter to me because, well, it just doesn’t.
• The price of cantaloupe?  Nope.
• The crazy way cantaloupe is spelled doesn’t matter to me.
• It doesn’t matter to me who shaves the barber of Seville.
• Doesn’t matter that Pluto is no longer considered a planet; I call it what I want.

—Mitchell Hegman