You can officially register as an adult if one or more of the following applies to you:
- You can find a flashlight at your house that actually works (other than your smartphone) within two minutes.
- You occasionally check to see if your spare tire(s) are fully inflated.
- You have purchased spices, a throw rug, or a new plumbing fixture within the last six months.
- You feel bad when watching a figure skater fall during a performance.
- You have a bird feeder.
- You need to dig through things to locate a beer in your refrigerator.
- You have a drawer or cabinet where you keep all the warranty papers and instructions for every appliance and tool you purchase.
- You regularly receive mailers for hearing aids.
- You have a favorite brand of trash bags.
—Mitchell Hegman
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