The Predicament

This conversation between a married couple takes place in the kitchen. The husband has been awake for nearly an hour when his wife joins him. They meet near the coffee maker.

WIFE (after pouring a cup of coffee): “I’m mad at you.”

HUSBAND (with a puzzled expression): “What? Why are you mad? We went to bed in a great place last night.”

WIFE: “You were mean to me in one of my dreams. And you were paying more attention to my sister than me.”

HUSBAND: “But… it wasn’t really me. It was a dream. And you don’t even have a sister.”

WIFE: “I don’t care. I couldn’t get back to sleep for a long time, and I’m not happy with you. You ruined everything.”

The scene closes with the husband lightly whistling as he tries to blow some heat off his coffee before taking a sip.

—Mitchell Hegman

The Lost Winter

While the eastern half of the nation prepares to be slapped sideways by a massive blast of frigid Arctic air, I have been gazing down at Hauser Lake in wonder.

Why wonder?

I am shocked to see patches of unfrozen water on the lake. I have never seen open water in the first week of January. Usually, the lake is locked under a sheet of ice long before I am lingering under the Christmas mistletoe, hoping Desiree will grant me a kiss. So far this winter, we have only occasionally seen temperatures cold enough to freeze the lake, and my snow shovel is standing in the corner of my garage, collecting dust.

Sure, you could argue I don’t need the chill of winter or its blanket of snow, but they’re essential to our northern rhythm, to the balance of seasons, and to the moisture we depend on. Simply put, we need snow, and we need the cold.

Open Water on Hauser

—Mitchell Hegman

New Weight-Loss Program

Desiree stepped into the bathroom just as I finished shaving my face. “Jeez,” I told her, “I weighed myself before shaving. It’s not good—my weight has crept up a couple of pounds.”

“It’s the holidays,” she suggested.

“Maybe… but I need to ratchet my weight back down a little. I think I’ll start shaving off my whiskers before I get on the scale and see if that helps.”

—Mitchell Hegman

Jackfruit

Native to the tropical regions of South and Southeast Asia, the jackfruit holds the title of the largest tree-borne fruit on Earth. These green, spiky behemoths can weigh anywhere from 10 to 50 pounds, with some exceptional specimens tipping the scales at over 100 pounds.

Beyond its impressive size, jackfruit boasts a unique flavor profile. The ripe fruit has a sweet, tropical taste reminiscent of a blend of mango, banana, and pineapple. In contrast, the unripe flesh is starchy and mild, making it a popular plant-based substitute for pulled pork or chicken in savory dishes. Even the giant seeds are edible; they can be boiled and eaten, with a flavor and texture similar to potatoes.

Yesterday, Desiree and I spotted—and then purchased—a fifteen-pound jackfruit while grocery shopping. It’s a monster compared to apples and oranges, but I’m not going to let that intimidate me. “We can cut it open next year,” I suggested.

As it happens, today is next year, but Desiree wants to wait a bit. More on that later.

Happy New Year!

Our Jackfruit

Cut Fruit (vwww.everydayhealth.com)

—Mitchell Hegman