Rustic Cabin Spiders Don’t Take Showers

That girl and I overnighted in a somewhat rustic cabin.

For those of you who don’t exactly know what a rustic cabin is, I will give you a quick rundown.

Our rustic cabin was located deep in the woods and made of stacked logs.  The cabin listed wholly to one side, and the logs were assembled in such manner as to let slices of daylight through at various points.  Additionally, our rustic cabin had exactly three receptacles placed strategically where you didn’t need them.  It also featured a bathroom with a spongy metal floor and a rusting metal shower stall I would guess to have been manufactured in the early 1950s.  As an added bonus, the showerhead inside the stall was fixed someplace between the neck and belly button of most people.

In a word: splendid.

Anyhow, I learned some things while taking a shower early in the morning.  First, constantly showering your belly button is not nearly as satisfying as showering your head and face.  Also, showering with a spider is a bit confusing.

That’s correct.  A spider.

There are a lot of dynamics at play here.  For one thing, you are naked with a spider.  Another factor to consider is the spider’s view on taking a shower.

Turns out rustic cabin spiders are not fond of taking a shower.

By the time I noticed the spider, it was on a web-held pendulum swing back and forth between the shower spray and naked me.

In a word: #@*%#!

I really wanted to stay in the shower.  At the same time, I really, really dislike spiders—especially spiders swinging like “freak show” Tarzan around my naked body.

Though my first, second, and third instincts were to shriek loudly and stomp around in place in unmitigated panic, I managed to silently back out of the shower.  I then reached back in and turned off the spray.   The spider quickly sucked itself back up into a rusty hole in the universe directly under the soap dish affixed to the side of the shower stall.

In the end, I walked away unbruised.  At least, at a minimum, my belly button was clean.

--Mitchell Hegman

The Outlands

Not certain this post will make it from my smarter-than-me-phone to my blog, but I will try.  I am presently in and out (mostly out) of service as I skirt along the various fringes of Glacier National Park, Montana.  The mountains I so love are the reason for my communication difficulties.

I must admit, this is a great way to be blocked in!

--Mitchell Hegman 

Ugliness

Beauty is where you find it, but ugliness is your own invention.

--Mitchell Hegman

Please, Don’t Molest the Bison

I see on the front page of our local newspaper where a man from Oregon was arrested for harassing a bison in Yellowstone Park a few days ago.   The man, Raymond Reinke, appeared in a video that went viral shortly after the bison incident.  Several of my Facebook friends posted the video.  In the video, Reinke clambers out of a vehicle and “challenges” a bison on the roadway.

Let’s put this in perspective.  Challenging bison is stupid.  There is your perspective.

The first time I watched the video, I found myself yelling at the bison on my computer screen: “Get that dumb bastard!”

I was hoping the bison would charge the man and flick him up into a tree where he might remain for all eternity.

Apparently, Reinke has a habit of stupid.  He was arrested for being drunk and disorderly in Grand Teton National Park three days prior “challenging” a bison on a roadway in Yellowstone.  While in Yellowstone National Park, the vehicle in which he was riding was pulled over for a traffic violation.  Reinke, took it upon himself to be argumentative with the officer involved and ended up with a citation for not wearing his seat belt.

Good work right there.

In the days following the scuffle in Yellowstone, Reinke was involved in an argument with another man in in the Many Glacier Hotel at Glacier National Park.

Officials finally took Reinke into custody after the altercation in Glacier Park.

I am still wishing the bison would have exacted justice on him.

I have posted the infamous bison video below.

--Mitchell Hegman

Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqqgeZzSBPY 

What do you call a Gathering of More than 20 Pounds of Housecat?

A gathering of crows: a conspiracy.

A gathering of lions: a pride.

A gathering of blackbirds: a murder.

A gathering of rabbits: a colony.

A gathering of zebras: a dazzle.

A gathering of owls: a parliament.

A gathering of elephants: a memory.

A gathering of cormorants: a gulp.

A gathering of more than 20 pounds of housecat: a catastrophe?

--Mitchell Hegman

NOTE: In recent years, Americans have referred to a gathering of baboons as a congress.   A deeper look reveals they are correctly called a troop.

The Heat of Summer

The heat of our northern summer is definitely here.  Yesterday, it was hot enough that a grasshopper immediately jumped inside our air conditioned car from the dry grass when that girl opened the door.

--Mitchell Hegman

Quandary

Imagine you are like me.  No, not the hating mayonnaise part.  Not the squirting toothpaste all over the sink part. 

You loathe spiders.

Now imagine your yard is a haven for creepy-looking black wasps.

But here is the quandary: The wasps are the kind that hunt down and kill spiders.

Do you try to discourage the wasps from living in your yard?

--Mitchell Hegman