Liberal versus Conservative

Item or Precept	Liberal	Conservative
Donald Duck	Should be allowed to remove his shirt since he is not wearing any pants or underwear now	Needs to speak English not Duck
Naturalists	Eat nuts	Are nuts
Immigration policy	Provides vital diversity and Pierce Brosnan is super nice	Immigration gave us Piers Morgan and we need to send him back to Britain
Daffy Duck	A naked duck is better than no duck	What kind of a duck is a black duck?
Global warming	Please call it climate change	Is an opportunity to sell more ice cream and tank-tops
Equal opportunity	For job-seekers	Nope
Duck	Did you know that some male ducks grow genitalia as long as their bodies?	After you shoot

--Mitchell Hegman