While the rest of the scientific community (in
particular the theoretical mathematicians) strove to prove that not even a
nineteen-year-old exotic dancer with enhanced breasts can survive passing
through a black hole, Michael S. Franks desired to employ math for more mundane
studies. In particular, Michael wished
to prove by unequivocal mathematical expression that the light inside a
refrigerator does go out the moment you shut the door.
Substituting the number “one” for light and the
number “seven” for the refrigerator, Michael Franks set to work on a virtual
cascade of formulae and numbers. He
worked tirelessly with a variety of calculations and computer programs to
simulate a refrigerator door shutting.
Months into his work, Michael suddenly realized that he could simply
shut himself inside the refrigerator to prove empirically that the light went
out at the moment the door shut.
One day, Michael S. Franks shut himself inside his
refrigerator shortly after eating breakfast.
A small minority of the scientific community still
persist to believe in the theoretical possibility that the light inside a
refrigerator remains lighted when you shut the door. They await the mathematic logic to prove
otherwise—the very logic that eluded Michael Franks. Mr. Frank’s wife, upon opening her
refrigerator for a snack, discovered this cryptic note written in mustard
across the inside of the door: “Out of mayonnaise. The dancers live!”
--Mitchell
Hegman
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