Cruel and Unusual Parking

Yesterday, I taught a class in Butte.  The venue for the class was only five blocks down the street from my sister’s house.  After I finished my class, I drove down the street to visit with my sister and brother-in-law.  When I reached my sister’s house, I discovered a solid line of cars and trucks on each side of the street, save a single small spot directly in front of the house.  I drove by slowly, assessing the spot.

This would require parallel parking.

I circled back around to make an attempt at parallel parking in the spot.  I will spare you the long version of my parking and merely offer a few fragments of what occurred.

First attempt: wrong angle.

Second attempt: rear tire on the sidewalk, nose in the street.

Exit truck and evaluate the situation.

Third attempt, four feet from the curb.

Fourth attempt: fuck you, you fucking fuck!  It is what it is!

During the heat of the parking attempt, I briefly considered Googling for parking tips on my smarter-than-me-phone.  I did conduct just such a Google search this morning.  There are lots of parallel parking resources out there.  I even discovered that a British college math professor named Simon Blackburn (in conjunction with Vauxhall Motors) developed a surefire math formula that will help you parallel park.

Here is the formula:

Good luck on your next parallel parking attempt.

--Mitchell Hegman