George Washington Answers His Door Late One Night

George Washington woke late one night to incessant knocking at his door.  Mr. Washington quickly dressed and marched out to his front door.  Upon opening his door, Washington found Jack the Ripper standing there.

“I’m Jack the Ripper.” Jack the Ripper announced.

“How can I be sure?” asked George Washington.  “You were never captured or identified.”

“It’s me.  Look at what I am wearing.  Straight out of London in the 1880’s.”

“A suit does not a man make, Mr. Ripper.”

“I’m a stone-cold killer.  Trust me.”

“And I crossed swords alongside other valiant men in the founding of a great nation,” George Washington said.  He appraised Jack the Ripper for a moment.  “We don’t trust stone-cold killers in great nations.”

“That’s a shame.  I was hoping to sell you a vacuum cleaner.”

“But it is the middle of the night and you don’t have a vacuum with you.”

“Admittedly, I am still working out the bugs,” Jack the Ripper said.

“Finally, the truth,” said George Washington.  “I am, however, a poor prospect for your particular venture.  I recently purchased a complete built-in vacuum system from P. T Barnum.”

“Well,” Jack the Ripper responded, “Barnum—whether he said it or not—is credited with saying that a sucker is born every minute.”

“And I purchased a vacuum system from him.”  George Washington threw his arms out widely, laughing.  “I bought a sucker from P. T. Barnum!  I find that deeply amusing.”

“Yes, it is a bit amusing,” Jack the Ripper said.  “I will leave you to your night.  Thank you for your time.”

“Good night, Mr. Ripper…I hope you make an honest killing in your new venture.”

--Mitchell Hegman