Dishtowel Retrieval Device

This story, as so many stories in my life, begins with me knocking a full glass of something over.  In this instance, said something is iced tea.  And I pretty much slapped the filled glass across my kitchen countertop.

Big mess!

I quickly grabbed a dishtowel and sopped-up the liquid.  As I walked back into the laundry room to pitch the damp towel into the clothes washer, I noticed dust atop the dryer.  The washer, dryer, and a stand-up freezer are all in a continuous line along one wall.  Since the towel was damp, I thought I might lightly dust all three off with the towel, starting with the freezer.

After a couple of brisk swipes, the dishtowel flung off the back and fell down between the back of the appliances and the wall.

Stupid, Mitch!

I dragged a chair into the laundry, climbed atop the dryer, and peered down into the mess of hoses, venting, and cords.  The dishtowel lay sprawled on the floor far below. This would require some type of dishtowel retrieval device.

I wandered out to the garage looking for ideas.  No, to a long one-by-four made of pine.  No, to my projector screen stand.  No, to that girl’s bag of shoes.  Golf clubs!

When retrieving a towel, you need to pick your club as cautiously as when approaching the green.  Obviously, a driver is too much.  After flicking through the clubs, I chose an eight iron.  Perfect pitch for catching the towel.  Eager to try fetching the towel, I trotted back inside, climbed atop the dryer, extended the eight iron down behind the freezer and began flailing around.

Clunk, clunk, tink-tink, bonk, thud!

The club dropped down to the floor and now lay right beside the towel, far out of reach.

Needed: eight iron/dishtowel retrieval device.

Back out to the garage.  No, to our 2015 Ford, Tauris.  No, to the five gallon propane bottle.  No, again, to the stand for my projector screen.  Window squeegee with a four-foot handle!

I returned to the laundry with the squeegee.

Okay, this story could go on for several more pages.  I will, instead, give you a condensed ending.  Here are the important elements of how this story concludes:  Great mechanical sounds plus grunting.  That girl accusing me of remodeling the house.  The passage of much time.  Clothes washer dragged halfway across the room.  Finally, I dominate the dishtowel and eight iron.  That girl pours me another glass of iced tea.

--Mitchell Hegman