Growing a Beard

I recently purchased a beard trimmer to replace one I knocked off my bathroom counter and broke.  The trimmer came with detailed instructions.  Just to be unusual, I read the instructions from beginning to end.

Partway through the instructions, I ran across the heading: GROWING A BEARD. 

“Hmmm,” I thought to myself, “I think I have this part.” Following are my own instructions for growing a beard in three easy steps:

1. Have a face

2. Allow whiskers to grow on your face

3. Don’t shave your face

—Mitchell Hegman