Plumbing and Grasshoppers

I experienced a fitful night of sleep last night. The first hours found me plagued by a spate of heartburn – my internal plumbing giving me fits. To combat that, I sat upright on the sofa in the living room, lolling my head back and forth and punching a pillow in efforts to seek comfort.

Then, about the time I drifted off to sleep, the plumbing in my house conspired against me. My water softening system launched into a recharge and regeneration cycle. The constantly modulating gushing and whooshing sounds emanating from my laundry room were just enough to keep me on edge.

When I eventually slipped off to sleep, I fell into a bad dream that woke me again, but instantly scurried away with exact details. All I recall is something about grasshoppers.

Now I am fully awake for the day but not well-rested. My only firm plans for today are spraying grasshoppers in my yard with a hose (because it annoys them) and taking a nap at the first opportunity provided.

—Mitchell Hegman

Lake Mary Ronan (Part 2)

As mentioned in yesterday’s blog, Desiree, Scott St. Clair, and I spent a full day and a partial day fishing Lake Mary Ronan. One thing can be said with certainty: the lake supports a thriving population of perch. We caught many dozens of them but kept only the larger ones and a few smaller fish wounded in the process of catching them. It must be noted that Desiree landed most of the larger perch.

In addition to catching perch, we reeled in several other species. Scott caught a modest (ten-inch) trout. He also pulled up, of all things, a western painted turtle that had latched onto his bait. I quickly removed the hook from the turtle as Desiree snapped a picture, and then I plunked the thing back into the water. I have never seen anyone catch a turtle before.

Desiree landed one small bass. She also pulled off a feat I have never seen: she managed to draw three crayfish up from the depths on her line. The last one clung so greedily to her bait that I managed to take a photograph with my smartphone before flinging it back into the lake.

Finally, Scott and I also caught a couple of sunfish. They are pretty frisky little fighters and rather cute to look at, but we released them as quickly as we caught them.

I am sharing a few photographs of our various catches.

Sunfish

Desiree with a Perch

Desiree with a Crayfish

Western Painted Turtle

—Mitchell Hegman

Lake Mary Ronan (Part 1)

Desiree and I spent two days entirely out of cell or wireless service while on a trip to Camp Tuffit on Lake Mary Ronan. A 1,500-acre body of water, Lake Mary Ronan is only eight or so miles from Flathead Lake, near the town of Dayton, Montana. The lake is interesting in that it is fed by many small springs and streams but has only a small outlet in the form of the tiny and meandering Ronan Creek. The lake is home to rainbow trout, kokanee salmon, largemouth bass, yellow perch, and sunfish.

Camp Tuffit and its facilities date back to the early 1900s. The rental cabins there are rustic, and only a few feature their own bathroom and shower facilities. Desiree and I stayed in one of the more modern cabins. We spent almost the entire time fishing on the lake with Scott St Clair. It felt like being dropped back into a much earlier and simpler era – simple enough that keys are not even provided for the cabins. And I must admit, two days without any form of electronics felt pretty good."

A Dock at Camp Tuffit

Desiree Fishing

Desiree and Me at the Red Door Cabin

—Mitchell Hegman

Gone Soft

Desiree and I took a late evening drive last night, immediately following a light rain that swept across the valley and into the Big Belt Mountains. Skirting around Hauser Lake, we found ourselves in perfect calm. All the world around us had gone soft, and the entire expanse seemed as if colored with pastels.

I bracketed a couple of images (with my smartphone) as a single boat slowly cut across the glassy, oddly colored waters. The native grasses in the expanse beyond have now been bleached blonde by the summer sun.

From here, the nights will gradually become cooler.

Hauser Pastels

—Mitchell Hegman

Balanced Cooking

One of the purchases Desiree wanted to make upon arriving here in the U.S. was Visions Cookware.  I must admit, as a typical stick-throwing kid from East Helena, Montana, glass cookware never reached my radar screen.

Turns out glass cookware is actually impressive stuff.  First, pieces are way more robust than I expected. Also, glass conducts and distributes heat evenly, which helps ensure that your food cooks consistently. This is particularly advantageous when baking, as it helps prevent uneven browning or overcooking in certain areas of the dish.

While working up a batch of adobo, I noticed Desiree peering at the glass pot on our range from several angles.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked in my stick-throwing way.

“I am making sure this is cooking in a balanced way,” she responded.

“That makes sense.”  I then leaned in and watched bubbles of heat and tiny pieces parts circulating in various section of the vessel.  “Hmm.  This is kinda cool.  Look at that stuff go.”

I mean, who knew?

Desiree Confirming Even Cooking

—Mitchell Hegman

Blue Things!

Blue is my favorite color. I suspect there might be at least one other person (out of the other 8.1 billion populating the world) who has also chosen blue as their favorite color. Here are a few reasons I like blue:

Blue Sapphires: I can't compile this list without mentioning a rock. The deep, rich blue of sapphire gemstones always catches my attention and symbolizes wisdom, loyalty, and nobility.

Huckleberries: Some of the best huckleberries range on a color scale the leans blue.

Denim Jeans: Blue denim embodies comfort, style, and durability.

Blue Whale: The largest animal on Earth is a striking blue-gray color.

Blue Flax: These vibrant blue Montana native wildflowers glow as if electrified.

Blue Raspberry: While not a naturally occurring fruit color, blue raspberry flavoring is fun.  If you are going to go fake, go blue!

The Blue Planet: Captured in images from space, our home planet's blue visage reminds us of the oceans that cover about 71% of its surface — an awe-inspiring sight that underscores the presence of life.

A Bluebird Sky: A clear blue sky on a sunny day following fresh snow is beyond reproach. Even the birds reflect a little before taking flight.

Blue Flax

Huckleberries

—Mitchell Hegman

Raymond Jogging

While out jogging on Tuesday morning, the sky fell on Raymond. It knocked him over, of course. He lay there on the ground, with the remnants of the weather from 8:00 am, sprawled across him, assessing his predicament. To his surprise, the falling sky had not harmed him in any serious manner.

Lying there, it occurred to Raymond that he really longed to be a professional dancer instead of a surveyor. Maybe he could do that. If he could survive the sky falling on him, he could do anything.

Raymond brought himself upright, shook off a few clouds and flecks of grass, and started running again. And that’s when Raymond fell off the earth.

—Mitchell Hegman

Random Thoughts for the Day

Some bastards need to die twice, just so we can be sure."

• Charles Dodgson (better known as Lewis Carroll) would likely be arrested for child pornography and exploitation if he and Alice Liddell (the little girl who inspired Alice in Wonderland) were 'friends' today.
• A grasshopper will fly as readily into your face as it will fly away from you. (And if you don't believe me, ask Desiree.)
• Never allow someone willing to cheat at either solitaire or golf to pack your parachute.
• In a perfectly balanced system, there is room for a wee dram of Scotch.

—Mitchell Hegman

Pleading My Case

"Let it be known, I plainly forewarned the small fly darting out of sight under the rim of the toilet, that it was a bad idea.  As I pitched in a swatch of tissue I’d just used on my face, I added, “You’ll end up flushed down into hell by hiding there.”

—Mitchell Hegman

The Cat with Nine Lives

The story of the stray cat has its ending, but not the one I had hoped for. After a few false starts, the family hoping the stray might be theirs arrived at my house yesterday afternoon to see the cat. A quick glance confirmed the diminutive kitty was not theirs. Put simply: "No, not our cat."

I had already mentioned my intent to take the cat to the humane society shelter if they didn’t take it. They, a mother and daughter, kindly offered to take the cat to the shelter since they would be driving near it on their way home, and they had a cat carrier with them.

Here is the real story. Cats do have nine lives. I have lived with and loved eight various cats in my life. As I struggled to force this ninth cat (one that lived with me for only a week) into the carrier, I felt all eight of those other cats squirming and joining the fight against me. All nine lives now pushed back against me as I caged the little female.

None of them wanted to go.

Eventually, the car carrying the mother, daughter, and cat in a carrier sped across the open prairie, chasing a self-made dust devil across the bleached grass, heading for town.

I never gave the cat a name.

“Nine,” I thought as I turned away with tears in my eyes.

Nine

—Mitchell Hegman

Morning Report, August 19, 2023

This being Montana, the weather upended overnight. Following three days of triple-digit heat, I woke up to temperatures in the 50s and an expected high in the 70s. In deeply personal news, I am at the end of 5 days fighting Covid. The second day proved miserable. My body felt like a giant toothache, and I didn’t have the strength to stand upright.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Oklahoma, an 11-year-old boy caught a pacu fish. Pacu fish are native to South America and are weird. They have human-like teeth. In my way of thinking, the teeth are especially human-like because they could use a good cleaning. I have shared a photo of a pacu fish.

I may have found the rightful home for the stray cat through Facebook (and will know a bit later today).  Finally, last night we had one of those lovely, calm, and colorful sunsets that makes you want to kiss someone you love just a bit longer.

A Pacu Fish (Photo: NPR)

—Mitchell Hegman

Stray Cat

About a week ago, a tiny cat turned up at our front door. The cat was obviously hungry. I fed it and have been feeding it in the time since. Judging by the cat’s sweet behavior, it has been around people and came from a good home. The cat, a female by the look of things, is showing no interest in leaving our house.

Sadly, we cannot keep the little thing. I contacted the homeowners' association for the subdivision surrounding us to see if anyone was missing their pet. Nothing on that. Today, I am posting a picture of the kitty. I hope someone will either recognize the cat or offer to give it a home. If we can’t find a home for the cat, we are going to take it to the Humane Society. I pray we can avoid that.

—Mitchell Hegman

Useful Flotsam

One of the more unusual features of having lakefront property is the opportunity to collect useful flotsam that washes up along the shore. Over my years of living on Hauser Lake, I have collected hats, swimming noodles, koozies, lots of fishing gear, and a variety of plastic containers.

The last few days have been pretty productive for me. Yesterday, a large plastic planter bumped up against the rocks along my shore as Desiree and I sat in the shade, trying to keep cool. A few days before that, I scooped up a couple of fishing floats (bobbers) from the water.

It beats picking up your garden variety of litter.

Floats

Planter

—Mitchell Hegman

Feng Shui Ceiling

After taking a break from working on my master bedroom ceiling project, I am diving back in. At present, I am fastening a layer of OSB (wafer board) to my framing. This is my favorite part of remodeling. At this point, I am able to enclose trinkets, notes, and all manner of goodies in the hollow spaces I have created with my framing. I started hiding things in my house when I first constructed it in 1991 and have done so many times since.

I stuffed a sheet of stamps from the Philippines and a copy of my book, Taking Measure (which features a photograph of Desiree on the cover), inside one section of the ceiling.

Back in the mid-1990s, Uyen undertook efforts to apply Feng Shui to our house. Feng Shui, for the unfamiliar, is a traditional Chinese practice that involves arranging one's environment to harmonize with natural energy flows in order to promote well-being and balance. Uyen incorporated the five elements (wood, fire, earth, metal, water) in decor throughout the house to create a harmonious environment. She placed mirrors strategically to expand space and reflect light. She hung a chime and a coin at our front door. She also dangled a cut crystal above the door to the master bathroom. Rather than removing the crystal to accommodate the new ceiling, I have shortened the monofilament line upon which it hangs so it will remain in place in the original ceiling space.

Stamp Sheet from Manila

Taking Measure Book

Doorway Crystal (Before)

Doorway Crystal (After)

—Mitchell Hegman

The Important Child Thing

 On Saturday, I dropped my pontoon boat into the water and sliced around the lake with a few people from the place next to me. Randy and Melissa brought along their four-year-old daughter, Emelia. As is my custom, I asked little "Em" if she would like to "drive" the boat. She loved the idea and took the wheel alongside her father in the captain's chair.

It's funny. All children have the same question as soon as they get underway behind the wheel. They don't ask what direction they should go or how fast they should proceed, as an adult might. Instead, Em asked the important child thing all children ask: "How do I honk the horn?"

—Mitchell Hegman

Something Isaac Asimov Said

—    “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”

—    “The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”

—    “It is not only the living who are killed in war.

The Sad-Face Daikon Radish

Perhaps you recall (there have been many) one of the stories of someone finding the image of Jesus burned into their toast. There was also the case in 2004 when a potato chip bearing what was claimed to be the likeness of Elvis Presley was discovered by a woman in Virginia. The chip was later sold on eBay for $1,000. Only a year later, a Cheeto snack resembling the famous physicist Albert Einstein's profile was found in a bag of Cheetos.

While I can’t contribute another story of finding the likeness of a famous historical figure in my food, I would like to share something first cousin to that. I have posted a photograph of the “Sad-Face Daikon Radish.” I pulled the dejected vegetable from a row of radishes Desiree has been nurturing in her modest garden.

The Sad-Face Daikon Radish

—Mitchell Hegman

Choice

For her twelfth birthday

she asked for either a baton or a piano.

 

A fool’s choice.

 

And now she parades along the street,

her left hand thrust high,

imagining she is somehow twirling a pure white grand piano above her. 

She alone can hear the ghostly chords reaching out

to stir finches from the nearby ash trees.

—Mitchell Hegman

Montana (More Interesting Facts)

• Montana is the only state that is exactly one time zone wide. The state’s eastern border marks the line of Central Time and the western boundary marks Pacific Time. Montana is entirely within the Mountain Time Zone.
• Four of Montana’s 56 counties have fewer than 1,000 residents.
• The shoreline of Fort Peck Reservoir is equal in length to the California coastline. They are both about 1,500 miles long.
• Montana has more cars registered per capita than any other state, with 184 vehicles for every 100 people.
• Just over 34 percent of vehicles on the road in Montana are pickup trucks. The only state with more pickup trucks per capita is Wyoming, where it’s 38 percent.
• Jordan, Montana is one of the remotest county seats in the United States. The nearest airport is 175 miles away while the nearest bus line is 85 miles away.
• Montana has the largest variety of mammals in the United States. Some of these animals are elk, bison (the largest land mammal in North America), grizzly bears and buffaloes.
• Fort Benton is as far inland as a person can navigate by boat on any continent. Located 3,560 miles from the Gulf of Mexico, it’s known as the “world’s innermost port.”

—Mitchell Hegman

Source: https://thefactfile.org/montana-facts

Buddy

Among what may be considered my more fruitless habits is my attempt at saving the lives of insects that are somehow trapped in my human contrivances. Early in the mornings, when dew collects on my hot tub cover, I often find both moths and water boatmen literally stuck in the watery layer where they have landed. I do my best to dab up the hapless critters and flick them off along their way again. And while both you and I might have an argument against grasshoppers, I regularly collect those and beetles from the floor of my garage and pitch them back into the sunny grass.

Yesterday, I scooped up a small hopper and trotted it outside while enclosed (and squirming) in my hand. Weirdly enough, the grasshopper refused to jump off my hand when I opened it outside. “You’re free to go eat a hole in the leaf of one of Desiree’s flowers,” I told the hopper.

The hopper took a few steps but remained on my hand. I next lowered my hand beside the brick ledge to encourage the critter to hop off. No luck with that. Apparently, the grasshopper thought I was his buddy. I was actually able to retrieve my smartphone for a "buddy picture" before forcefully tossing the hopper into the wild.

My Buddy

—Mitchell Hegman

Failure Up Close

Some mornings, my first action for the day is applying eye drops to my own eyes to combat dry, itchy eyes. Question: How is it that I can miss hitting my eye with a drop two or three times in a row while holding the dropper no more than an inch away?

—Mitchell Hegman

A Few More Bad Ideas

Here short list of bad ideas I have been working on:

• Magnetic Game Dice
• Disposable Promise Rings
• Scentless Air Fresheners
• Miniature Magnifying Glasses
• Battery-Powered Battery Chargers
• Grizzly Bear Attractant

—Mitchell Hegman

Bandage Transformation

Early yesterday morning, I applied a bandage to my thumb due to a split on the tip. After a rigorous day, which included a bit of weeding and an hour of shoveling road mix, I discovered that the adhesive strip bandage had transformed into what I can only describe as a 'bull' bandage.

I have shared a photograph.

A Bull Bandage

—Mitchell Hegman

Growth (Lemon Tree Update)

If I can trust the information that dislodges and floats up as I kick at the internet, a young lemon tree growing in ideal conditions will undergo growth spurts on a 4-to-6-week cycle.

I have a lemon tree. Mine is stuck in a sunroom in Montana, which provides stable temperatures but may not be optimum in other regards, so its growth sessions stretch a bit beyond 6 weeks. That said, the lemon tree fired off new shoots about a week ago. In that short span of time, one branch has extended about 4 inches of new growth.

I’m impressed with that kind of work.

Some of my interweb research suggests that I may see lemons after only 2 years. That would make me happy, but I’m willing to hang on no matter how long it takes. I have shared a photograph of the new lemon tree growth alongside a Cold Smoke Beer (for some sense of scale).

New Lemon Tree Growth

—Mitchell Hegman

The Wasp Thing

I have been rethinking the wasp thing. You know, that thing where I curse at wasps and try to swat them. Turns out not all wasps are dirty lowdown, food-stealing, stinging bastards. There are wasps out there doing good work.

While out busting up a couple of tent caterpillar nests in one of my chokecherry trees, I observed a dark-colored wasp hunting the caterpillars right alongside me. And, of course, there are wasps that prey on spiders, something I fully endorse. Finally, we have huckleberries.

Huckleberries are weird. First, they only grow in beautiful settings. Secondly, their blossoms hang down very much like tiny bells. That’s a problem. The orientation and shape of huckleberry blossoms exclude many species of insects, honeybees included, from being able to use the flower and, in turn, act as a pollinator. A study conducted by researchers from Montana State University documented insects visiting globe huckleberry flowers in May and June. Approximately 47% of the visitors were bumblebees, which can access the goodies (pollen) in the flowers through buzz pollination. Wasps accounted for 23% of the visitors.

That’s correct – we need to thank wasps as we harvest our huckleberries. Well, that’s a game-changer for me.

A Pair of Huckleberry Blossoms

—Mitchell Hegman

Lost and Found

Fairly often, I use the early hours of the morning as a time to spiff up the kitchen. Yesterday, somewhere around 5:30 am, with fans drawing in cool air from outside and dispersing it all around me, I tackled washing and drying a few stray dishes. Naturally, I found myself regularly distracted by remembering where I last placed my coffee cup, chasing two frisky moths that kept flying up at my face, and a dozen lesser things.

At some point, I lost track of the dish towel I was using. Frowning, because I couldn't see the towel anywhere, I scoured the kitchen for two or three minutes. And then, by chance, I glanced down and found the towel draped over my right shoulder.

The Dish Towel

—Mitchell Hegman

Morning Report, 8-2-2023

I have six windows and a door open, along with seven fans pushing last night’s cool air into my house. August has arrived snarling with daytime heat. Last night, I munched down too many Dot’s Homestyle Pretzels before going to bed. The pretzels are addictive enough that I think they should carry some form of warning on the package.

In more shocking news, an aggressive sea otter in California is stealing surfboards from surfers in the lineup at Santa Cruz. The otter forces itself onto the boards despite the presence of the riders. Sometimes, the otter even munches on the boards.

Finally, my sister told me about a woman who is addicted to eating toilet paper. That’s pretty unusual, I think. I wonder how she handled that weird toilet paper shortage during the pandemic a couple of years back?

End of report.

—Mitchell Hegman

My Kick-Around Shoes

It’s a strange point of fact that the older and more worn a shirt is, the better it fits, and the more comfortable it feels. My brother-in-law, Terry, wore one particular sweatshirt until it more or less rotted off him. I gave up one of my favorite jackets when only one sleeve fell off.

I presently have a favorite pair of well-worn “kick-around” shoes. By kick-around shoes, I mean a pair I like to use for rough duty, for getting in mud, or kicking around in the dirt. I wore them yesterday for a possibly muddy and assuredly rough excursion into the mountains. Before heading for the high country, I dropped into my dentist's office for a scheduled cleaning. When I sat in the chair and the hygienist brought my head down and feet up, I said, “Never mind my shoes. I have money for a new pair, but these are good for tumbling around in the sticks, which is where I am headed after we finish up here.”

“I get that,” the hygienist responded.

Sadly, my shoes are almost worn to the point of needing to be replaced. They have reached the duct tape stage, which is never good.

My Kick-Around Shoes

—Mitchell Hegman