Proper Care and Use of Your Anvil

Do not use your anvil as kitty litter.

Do not attempt skydiving while carrying your anvil.

Do not wash your anvil with linens or wool knits.

Never attempt warming your anvil in a microwave.

Avoid using your anvil in the presence of sound activated lights.

Your anvil should not be used as a hedge trimmer.

Do not use your anvil as a screwdriver.

--Mitchell Hegman

Location is Everything

During the course of a normal day, I might hum a little as I wander around the planet.  On occasion, I may throw in a few lyrics and hit a full note or two.  Alone in my car, though, I am the best singer—ever!  I am belting out that shit!

--Mitchell Hegman

A Grim Feast

Yesterday morning, after driving only a few hundred yards away from my house, I noticed about six ravens and about a dozen magpies scattered across the road and perched in some nearby trees.

I immediately surmised why the birds were there.

The birds allowed me to draw within an easy stone’s throw before they erupted like a black and white fountain and flapped off in all directions.

I stopped my truck when I reached the place where the birds had been gathered.  Instinctively, I reached for my twice-as-smarter-than-me-phone so I could take a photograph.   As soon as I stepped from my truck, I found my subject about eight feet off the road.

A grim feast, as witnessed by the photograph below.

What manner of “sportsman” would leave this in plain sight alongside my road?

I am going to make a wild guess about this sportsman: This is likely the sort of sportsman who cannot understand why some landowners don’t welcome hunters.

--Mitchell Hegman

Winter Arrives

Two nights ago, the first significant frigid air mass fell from Canada and dropped across Montana.   Overnight, our temperatures plummeted from long-sleeve shirt to mittens and wool cap.  We are nearing sub-zero temperatures and will likely remain cold for more than a full week.

For those people who have never been exposed to frigid weather in any meaningful way, I can define what it means in very simple terms.  Last night, I scampered outside to soak in my hot tub during a snowstorm.  Sitting there in the rising steam, I froze my hair solid.

--Mitchell Hegman

In the Silence between Our Words

In the silence between our words, stars perish in black holes.

In the silence between our words, four-legged beasts prepare to charge and missiles are fired into the black expanse.

In the silence between our words, mountains crumble to the sea.

In the silence between our words, nobody sees the lone children walking and nobody notices that the rivers have run dry.

Between our words, the silence kills.

--Mitchell Hegman

From the Grill of Your Truck to the Barbeque Grill

In the year 2012, according to the state Department of Transportation statistics, motorists in Montana struck and killed something near 5000 whitetail deer and 2000 mule deer.  A couple hundred elk, 28 moose, 39 black bears, 5 grizzly bears, and 6 mountain lions also perished as result of encounters with automobiles on Montana highways and roads.

Following the legislated passage and implementation of a 2013 law (including an online permitting process, after the fact), Montana residents may now drag home to grill and eat some of the critters they have accidentally harvested with the grill of their car or truck.

This law actually makes sense to me.

Obviously, not everyone will be interested in taking a deer or elk they smacked with their rig, but for those inclined to do so, why not allow them that?

Naturally, a few provisions appear in the law to keep the crazies among the population from using the law as a means to transform road trips into “road hunting” adventures where the would-be hunter might purposely use their vehicle as a weapon for harvesting some of the more valuable and difficult-to-permit species found in Montana.  To that end, the 2013 roadkill law will allow a person to harvest only deer, elk, antelope, and moose after running them over.  The more exotic critters such as cats, bears, and sheep cannot be taken.

The idea of purposely swerving to strike something as large as a moose or elk ranges on a scale from strange to suicidal in my estimation, but you cannot underestimate the intelligence of some people, especially some of my more immediate beer-drinking relatives with big trucks.

A couple of my electrician friends are also a bit suspect.

 --Mitchell Hegman

Light Through My Shower Door

Today, I am posting a photograph of light dancing across the back of my shower stall.  The light was provided by sunset through my bedroom window and set to dancing as the rays fell through the fine sheets of water running down the glass on my shower door.  I have altered the contrast and colors.

--Mitchell Hegman