631 = Panic

Apparently, the number 631 equals panic.  Total panic.

Bear with me as I try to explain.  This will require just a bit of math, but I’ll run the calculator to take the sting out of that.

We need to begin with 20 pounds of housecat: Carmel.  Carmel has been with me for something like 5 years and 3 months.  If we convert those years into months, we find a total of 63 months.

Next, to get where I am going, we need to determine the total number of weeks.  Punching numbers into my calculator, we end up with 252 weeks.  Carmel has been with me for 252 weeks.

This is where the math—at least the concept—is going to get a bit tricky.  We are going to use ½ a trash bag in our next calculation.  See, I estimate that I used 2½ trash bags every week.  Some weeks I use a couple.  Some weeks I use more.

Now, back to our weeks.  If we multiply 2.5 times 252 weeks, we end up with 630.  Apparently, a magic number.  That is, by my estimation, the number of new trash bags I have unfurled and stuffed into my trash can in the 252 weeks Carmel has been with me.

Yesterday, while standing in the kitchen, I tried to stuff trash bag number 631 into my trash can as my 20 pounds of housecat sat watching from the nearby den.

Somewhere, about halfway through my stuffing process, Carmel decided I was doing something terrifying.  I was evil incarnate!  He exploded up into the air.  Upon landing, the cat leapt away and bounded off down the hall and vanished into the spare bedroom.

I write this as a cautionary tale.  Those of you with housecats may want to start counting trash bags.

Be prepared when you reach number 631.

--Mitchell Hegman