List of Things I Will Not Do on Purpose

• Eat liver
• Knit a sweater (not sure how this would be done unintentionally, but it could happen…)
• Leave a store without paying for every item in my cart
• Wear mismatched socks (though you would never guess this by past practice)
• Throw out a perfectly good nail or screw
• Forget your birthday (but I likely will)
• Convict an innocent person of a crime
• Stab myself
• Go to jail
• Listen to an entire Milli Vanilli album (I am serious here)

—Mitchell Hegman