I have been reading (in various sources) a lot of predictions for the year 2023. The prognostications range from mundane to grim. Following are a few of my own predictions for this year:
- Montana State University researchers will achieve a breakthrough by producing non-perishable battery plates made from fruitcake and Twinkies.
- Elon Musk and Tesla will produce a line self-driving cars that identify as males, but the line will fail because the cars refuse to follow driving directions issued to them.
- By midyear, Facebook will run out of space because Filipinos have posted too many photographs and videos.
- Scientists will create a new element in the lab and accept my suggestion to name it “stuff.”
- Ye, the artist formerly known as Kanye West, will record and release three minutes of complete silence, earning him critical acclaim.
- Desiree
will consider replacing me with a lemon tree she has been nurturing in our
sunroom.
—Mitchell
Hegman
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