List of Warnings you Don’t Want to See on a Prescription Drug You Need.

Following is a list of warnings for Cide-Effex (a drug I made up):

1. Do not take Cide-Effex if you plan on eating within 72 hours.
2. Cide-Effex may be harmful to left-handed people.
3. Stop taking Cide-Effex and call your physician if you develop an overwhelming urge to move to Western Canada so you can teach Canadians how to pronounce the word “about”.
4. Do not allow anyone you love to take Cide-Effex.
5. Cide-Effex has been linked to demeaning plebney (See Mad Magazine, Winter 1974).
6. Cide-Effex may be safely taken by lizards.
7. In certain instances, Cide-Effex may lead to a loss of critical thinking.
8. Do not play checkers after taking Cide-Effex.

—Mitchell Hegman