I am not really much
for watching sports. I don’t know much about
them, either. I cannot tell you which
team won the Super Bowl last year. I
don’t even know which teams played in the World Series this year.
At social gatherings, my
friends often converse about this quarterback and that right fielder and I find
my mind drifting off to see which stains on the floor look like the face of the
Pope or perhaps which stain resembles a horse caught jumping in mid-air. Some of my friends are able to cite
statistics regarding wins and losses for both football franchises and baseball
teams going back nearly twenty years.
They may even know which supermodels the baseball pitchers are dating at
present.
And they understand the
rules of the games.
Between football and
baseball, I rather confuse the rules, the mascots (and which ones are furry),
the team names, what lines can and must be crossed, the players’ names, and
even time of year when they are normally on strike. Nonetheless, over the last couple of years I
have picked up the name of Tim Tebow. I
know what an inning is. I have even
determined a striking difference between football and baseball.
The difference (I have
discovered) is in when the players scratch their asses. Players in sporting events seem quite
disposed to scratch their asses—something that appears by observation to be
critical to the players’ overall readiness.
Watching a football
game, for instance, I noticed that the players assemble in a tight huddle and
scratch their asses as a collective. In baseball, however, the players split up
and stand apart before scratching their asses.
I am still attempting
to work out other differences between theses sports.
--Mitchell
Hegman
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