I have learned how to greatly annoy my 20 pounds of housecat first
thing every morning. It’s surprisingly
easy to do. What I do is make him talk
to me before feeding him.
He tends to meow a lot when I first get up, and will do so until I
feed him. These days, I force him into “conversations”
that go something like this:
ME: “Are you hungry, boy?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME: “I mean for food. Are you hungry for food? Is that what you are hungry for?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME: “Would you like me to
get some out of the cupboard?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME: “Do you want to watch me
open the cupboard?
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME (Opening the cupboard): “Do
you see a can you like?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME (Pointing at a can): “This
one?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME (Pointing at another can): “This
one?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME (Pointing at a third can): “This
one?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME (Grabbing a can): “Would
you like me to open the can?”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
ME: “Fine. Follow me into the laundry room. I have a few more questions for you.”
20 Pounds of Cat: “Meow.”
Off we go to his food dish—the cat trotting out in front of me.
I will spare you the rest of our “conversation” for fear of
driving you as crazy as my cat. But, on
a good day, we talk quite a bit more before I scoop food into his dish.
—Mitchell Hegman
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