The Bite

Imagine one small alteration to reality.  In this case, instead of the poison from a rattlesnake bite making someone sick or causing death, the venom compels those stuck to blurt out “all hockey players must fall!” at inappropriate times if nervous for the first three months following the strike.

Sadly, while vacationing in the Southwest United States, the Secretary of Defense is struck by a rattler while hiking with his grandchildren.  Not long thereafter, the Secretary is summoned back to Washington, D.C., because American interests have come under siege in a country whose name the President constantly mispronounces.

A meeting of the National Security Council, including the Secretary of Defense, goes poorly from the start.  The President insists the problem country is Canada because he cannot pronounce the name of the actual place.  After a briefing by a four-star general exploring all military options, the floor is given to the Secretary of Defense.

“What do you suggest?” asks the President.

“I’ve always been rather fond of Canada,” the Secretary admits.

“But we cannot tolerate a rogue state!” the President howls from his end of the meeting table.  He stands.  “I need you to tell me what you would do.”

The Secretary of Defense twitches a little.

And the course of history would be much different had the Secretary of Defense not been struck by that rattlesnake.

—Mitchell Hegman