Not Necessarily Helpful

The following is a list of things your spouse may not find as helpful as you do:

• Pointing out pieces they can place while working on a jigsaw puzzle.
• Using your “rounding up and rounding down” method for tracking your bank account balance.
• Watching a movie about a night-stalking serial killer immediately before bed.
• Pouring liquid accelerants on a fire to get it “dancing.”
• Using every possible opportunity to remind them about the time you won the argument over whether cucumbers are a fruit or a vegetable.
• Rearranging the cupboards.
• Using duct tape to repair cooking utensils.

—Mitchell Hegman