The Singing Penis

Yesterday, I wrote about how a water boatman smacked into my face and then fell into the water as I sat soaking in my hot tub.  Once in the water, the bug quickly made a dive toward my private parts.  Though not overly interested in the thought of having sex with the bug, I wondered if I was having an encounter with a boy boatman or a girl boatman.  At the time, that seemed important to know.

After only a little research, I discovered there is a way to identify the males.  They make music with their penis.  More to the point, they are pound for micropound the loudest critters on the planet when they perform.

The male Micronecta scholtzi (Lesser Water Boatman) is capable of producing 99 decibels while rubbing his penis against his belly.  Just so that you understand how impressive that is, consider that a passing train whistle (at distance 500 feet) reaches only 90 decibels.  A chainsaw reaches about 90 decibels.  A full-blown rock concert, at 110 decibels, is only slightly louder.  All of this from a bug roughly the size of the nail on your pinky finger.  The sound itself is produced from an embarrassingly small penis that would be crushed by a grain of salt.

We don’t notice the song of the water boatman because the song is produced deep in the water of ponds and lakes.  Something near ninety-nine percent of the sound is lost in the water.  The chirping sound that eventually reaches our ears might be mistaken for any other variety of insect.  

  --Mitchell Hegman