Lessons on Aging

I’m what is politely referred to as a senior citizen. In theory, I was supposed to be filled with wisdom and grace by now.

Well, let’s just say both attributes are subjective. But I do have a few things I can share about occupying space as a senior:

• You’re never too old to find a new way to mash your thumb.
• Not being able to hear the oven’s timer sounding off can lead to secondary problems.
• One day, you will start marching around the house turning off lights while carping about the power bill, just as your grandfather did.
• You will buy dirt.
• Being generous makes actual sense.
• As far as heating your house in the winter goes, 80 is the new 70.
• You’ll finally have time to figure out why you have both salad forks and dinner forks.

—Mitchell Hegman