Language Barriers

I have had my share of skirmishes with the English language.  Grammar.  Mispronunciation.  Word abuse.  You name it.

In one example, I considered myself a human “bean” until I was old enough to read “being.”

Well into my forties I added my own flare to rotisserie chicken.  Where everyone else pronounced this as “row-ti-sr-ee,” I adopted the more unusual (and somewhat loftier) “row-tis-er-rare-ee.”

My pronunciation rather rolled from the tongue like a roller coaster, which, by the way, was “rollee” coaster in early Mitch speak.

Not long after the passing of my grandmother, I was asked by someone if we had made funeral arrangements for her.  “Yes,” I assured them, “she will be incinerated.”

Not cremated.  Incinerated.

The other day, I got a little twisted-up about using “who” or “whom” in a sentence.  I even went so far as to watch a 14-minute video on the matter.  Finally, in the end, I found my answer—I restructured my sentence so I did not need to use either. 

Either: pronounced “ee-ther” or “eye-ther?”

This English stuff is, as my buddy Rodney would say, “ungood.”

—Mitchell Hegman