Scotch Regulation

We all understand how the government, on both the federal and state level, regulates alcohol.  Scotch Whiskey, included.  Sales and distribution are strictly controlled.  Taxes are imposed.

I think most of us agree, regulating Scotch is disturbing.

Well, a super-localized form of Scotch regulation is threatening my brother-in-law.

Spousal regulation.

Apparently, my sister has threatened to limit both the quantity and quality of Scotch my brother-in-law is accustomed to imbibing.

I stopped by my brother-in-law’s house yesterday afternoon to drop off a pair of sunglasses he had forgotten in my truck.  Both of us fought back tears as we discussed the proposed regulation of Scotch he is confronting.

“So, what’s the deal with that?” I asked.  “I mean, why?”

“I don’t know…some stuff about needing money for cars and the house and that kind of thing.”

“Seriously,” I sipped at the Scotch he had just poured for me.  “Are we really going to have to put a house or an automobile ahead of Scotch.”  I shook my head.  “I don’t know how to occupy that space.  Aayyyy!   Maybe you can negotiate a compromise.”

“Maybe.  I just did the dishes.  That should be worth something.”

“That’s a good start.  Whatever happens, you can’t go below 12 years of maturing on the Scotch.  You just can’t.”

—Mitchell Hegman