Photography And Half-Thoughts By Mitchell Hegman

...because some of it is pretty and some of it is not.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Reasons I Cannot be President

I cannot be president of the United States.  I checked with the internet to make sure.  For one thing, I am not tall enough (too short, for those of you from my plain-speaking town of East Helena, Montana).  I will spare you (me, for those of you that are not me) the details on that, other than to say, it’s a perception thing. 
Another thing that will destroy my chances for president is reporters.  They would ask me questions.  I would give them Mitch answers.  Mitch answers are the first thing that come to mind.  If, for instance, reporter X asked, “What do you most admire about women?”  I would answer: “Their butt.”  And then I would need to walk all over myself  trying to explain that I meant to say I admire how women are consensus builders and women usually won’t punch you in the face.  And…well…never mind!
I dig holes.
That’s what I do.
I am not convinced that I can be trusted with the nuclear arms button, either—especially if they have it located anywhere near a light switch or a garage door button.  I am always flipping the wrong switch when I am confronted with two or more of them.  The garage door buttons?  Forget about it!
There are plenty more reasons why I cannot be president, including the fact I don’t wear underwear.  I’m sure that will matter to someone.  I also display poor judgment by living with 40 pounds of housecat.
Vice president?
I think that’s a workable deal.

--Mitchell Hegman


  1. Why even think of being president when you already are in the very territory you can say you own -- your household.

  2. Haha. My 40 pounds of cat are in charge here.