Someone at Our Door

Upon returning home from a walk down our country road, Desiree and I found someone at our front door.

I noticed our visitor before Desiree did.  I pointed.  “Look,” I said, “we have a snake at the door.   It’s a bullsnake.”

I think snakes are exceptionally cool.  Watching how they use their entire length to climb or whip away amazes me.  Honestly, they don’t trouble me in the slightest.  I am happy to host them on my property.  Desiree, bless her island girl soul, is willing to play along with me in this regard.

Before carefully urging the snake away from our front door so we could go our separate ways, I captured a few photographs.

At the Door

Bunched Up

Stretched up in the Corner

—Mitchell Hegman

Smart Bug, Dumb Bug

This time of year, a lot bugs make attempts to work their way into my house in hopes I will support and entertain them for the winter months.  My habit is to capture the bugs in some fashion and escort them back outdoors.   

My reward in this is playing “smart bug, dumb bug” with then.  To play the game, I yell “GO” and pitch the flying bugs into the air.

Smart bugs ziz away in flight at some weird angle.

Dumb bugs helplessly crash to the ground.  

You would be surprised how much the crashes entertain the ten-year-old boy in me.

—Mitchell Hegman

Stuff I Want to Invent

Following is a list of stuff I want to invent:

• An app that locates the nearest available bathroom
• A hammer that turns into nerf when you strike your thumb
• A gun that shoots love rays
• Water that won’t get important papers or electronics wet
• Fairy dust that, when sprinkled on any product in a store, will turn the product into a helpful store employee
• A pleasantly scented candle that drives spiders from your house

—Mitchell Hegman

Loving the Sleeping Giant

If you query “sleeping giant” in your search engine, you will discover (in the results) there are a lot of sleeping giant mountain and rock formations.  They can be found, literally, around the world.  If you browse through images of these sleeping giants, you will soon discover few of the formations look as convincing as the giant sleeping alongside the Gates of the Mountains near Helena, Montana.

Ours is an authentic sleeping giant.

Desiree is especially fond of the Sleeping Giant.  While hiking Mount Helena, we were provided with more than a few lovely views of the giant.  We made a point of expressing Desiree’s love for the formation in photographs.

Our Giant Framed by Love!

Finding the Sleeping Giant

Desiree above Helena

—Mitchell Hegman

Expanded

As a young boy, I drove my mother crazy with my constant fidgeting and proclivity for purposely making noise.  I have greatly expanded the number of people I annoy in the time since.

—Mitchell Hegman

The Understory

The Rocky Mountains are not the Adirondacks in terms of fall colors.  For one thing, most of the forests in the Rockies are comprised of evergreens.  But on a smaller scale, you will find lovely pockets of color amid the rocky peaks and steep inclines of the Rockies.

In a sense, the mountains here provide for two fall showings: one in the high country and one in the broad valleys below.  At present, the high elevations are beginning to render bright displays of color.  At lower elevations, only a hint of change can be seen here or there.

The displays of fall colors in high country are interesting in that the understory and bushes offer the first vivid colors while the tall evergreens stand alongside in constant sober pose.  Western larch (tamarack) trees will soon turn color and shed their needles, but they have not done so yet.

Yesterday, before driving home from the cabin, Desiree and I drove through the high mountains to see the colors.  At several locations, we walked out into the undergrowth and filled our smartphones with images.

 

The Understory in Morning Light

A Roadside Fern

Looking Back

Awash With Color

Desiree Amid Berry Bushes

—Mitchell Hegman

A Weird Sky

Desiree and I are at the cabin.  While we will make a few more day trips up here before the winter snows push us aside entirely, this marks the last of our sleepovers for the season.

We celebrated last evening by making smores with white chocolate.  After the campfire laid down, we spent the rest of the night sitting in the cabin, chatting.  A remarkable sky fell across our notch valley as darkness seeped into the mountains around us.  The purple colors and weird quality of light drew us outside for one last time.

“This even feels weird,” I remarked to Desiree as I pranced out to capture a few images of her on the deck.

Though I cannot fully explain this, the colors were so thick all around me, they almost possessed a textural feel.  I experienced the sensation of being inside a big handsome building rather than being outside.

And I felt warm.

The colors and sensations lasted no more than a minute or two before full darkness impressed itself on us.

Desiree on the Deck

A Weird Sky

Making Smores

—Mitchell Hegman

Space Sexology

The “final frontier” presented on Star Trek is not exactly the final frontier astrophysicists are seeking to explore today.  After sorting through all the sciencey stuff to reach our current point of exploration, a few deep thinkers began to consider the matter of sex in space.

That’s correct, our final frontier is the serious study of boinking in space.

Sex in space poses more than a few challenges. For one thing, in zero gravity, your partner will tend to float away at first touch.  Sustaining most sexual positions will require some substitute for gravity.  There is also the more indelicate matter of preventing any hairs, fluids, and so forth from freely drifting about.

Furthermore, the plumbing within our human bodies may experience problems.  According to an article I read at yahoo.com:      

“A lack of gravity causes the body’s fluids to shift around and affect multiple parts. Your muscles and nerves—in all the important places—can experience physical pressure they’ve never felt before. The whole environment can upend all the ways you know your body to work—and that’s going to eventually affect sex.”

Sex is complicated enough here on Earth, but sex in space is complex on several new levels.  Some scholars at Concordia University in Montreal, go as far as to advocate for the formation of an “intersectoral advisory board” in which a range of specialists—sexologists, sex tech experts, ethical advisors—could work together in creating a sex guide for future space inhabitants.

This makes sense to me.  As a species, where we go sex goes.

—Mitchell Hegman

Source: Annalise Mabe, yahoo.com

Pondering

I stopped working with the tools as an electrician seventeen years ago. Last night, I experienced a lengthy dream about working as an electrician.  This is strange because the last three times I woke remembering dreams, they were also themes about working with the tools.  In fact, I would estimate that somewhere around ninety percent of my recalled dreams over the last couple years have been dreams about working with the tools.

Prior to my spate of “working” dreams—for most of my adult life—I constantly entertained dreams about fish. 

The fish dreams are gone.

Now, I dream of working with the tools.

What explains this?

—Mitchell Hegman

Hogback, Part 2

Hogback Mountain is part of a large Madison limestone rock formation.  Limestone forms when calcite or aragonite precipitate out of water containing dissolved calcium through both biological and nonbiological processes.  This is interesting, because it means the stone exposed at the loftiest elevations of Hogback was, at one time, muck at the bottom of an ancient inland sea.  In this case, we are talking 300 million years ago, long before dinosaurs reigned the earth.

More fascinating is the fact you can find marine fossils in the rock shoulders presently exposed to the elements at elevations above 7000 feet on the mountain.

While walking amid some of the visible and often shattered limestone shoulders atop Hogback, we found one small field of rock debris rather littered with the fossils of sea shells and other marine life.  In some cases, the limestone had completely eroded from around the fossils.  In other instances, fossils remained partially embedded in stone.

For over an hour, Desiree and I (in great fascination) poked around the windswept field of rocks looking for fossils.  I have posted a couple photographs of what we found there.

Fossils Freed from the Limestone

Embedded Fossils

—Mitchell Hegman

Hogback, Part 1

One of my favorite drives in Montana is the drive from my home, up through York, Nelson, Beaver Creek Canyon, and on to the top of Hogback Mountain.  Hogback is the most conspicuous mountain feature at the back of my house.  This makes driving to the top especially satisfying.  

Yesterday, I finally managed to take Desiree on that drive.  We left early in the morning and arrived at Beaver Creek Canyon just as direct light spilled down through the spectacular collection of limestone cliffs and projections.  At times, driving through the canyon felt like entering the jaws a giant, toothy beast.

We encountered the season’s first dusting of snow before ascending to the top of 7,800-foot-tall Hogback.  At the top, we jumped from the truck and spun around to take in the radial expanse—a view featuring Helena as well as every mountain range within sixty miles.

We also walked out along the edge of the exposed limestone spine of the mountain and explored the high and windswept landscape. 

On our drive out, we stopped at Refrigerator Canyon Trailhead and hiked in so Desiree could see the narrow slot through the massive stone walls.

The day turned out to be one of Desiree’s favorites since her arrival here in Montana this May.

Desiree on the Road

Encountering the First Snow of the Season

Desiree in Refrigerator Canyon

The Slot Canyon and Sky

—Mitchell Hegman

Headline

The primary purpose of a headline is to grab the reader’s attention.  While browsing around of the internet I saw this one:  British Stunt Driver Breaks Parallel Parking World Record.

The headline did catch my eye, but I immediately thought about how the headline itself would change if I were involved in parallel parking rather than a stunt driver.  In my case, the headline would read: Bad Driver Breaks Parallel Parking.

—Mitchell Hegman

A Mushroom You Can Trust

I don’t trust most mushrooms.

Strike that.  I should say, I don’t trust my skill at identifying the edible varieties.

Shaggy manes are an exception to that.  They have a distinctive bullet shape and shaggy look that makes them unmistakable.  Their single imposter, the inky cap mushroom, lacks the shaggy look and grows in tight clusters.  Fortunately, even the imposter is edible, though it may not mix well with alcohol.       

Shaggy manes appear in both the spring and fall—especially following decent rain events.  And they grow almost everywhere, including in poor soils.  At one time, the landfill where my hometown of East Helena, Montana, buried its trash supported a huge shaggy mushroom population each season.

Shaggy manes self-destruct and turn to ink in short order.  If you see newly emerged shaggy manes and want to eat them, you need to harvest them immediately and cook them as soon as possible.

Yesterday, while flouncing about down at the lakeshore, Desiree and I found a couple fresh shaggy manes in the grass.   Desiree harvested the largest one (pictured below) and plans on trying it this morning.

Shaggy Mane Mushroom  

—Mitchell Hegman

Assembly Required

Desiree and I passed another relationship test.  I am talking about the kind of test that might deliver old friends into a fist fight.  That’s right, we assembled a piece of furniture that arrived as weird looking parts within a box that appeared impossibly small for such a large finished product. 

In this case, we needed to piece-together a plant stand comprised of seventy-some separate parts and thirty-some screws.  To make the project more interesting, the manufacturer provided us with a pair of black gloves and instructions in the form of illustrations without text.

For this project, Desiree assumed the position of boss and I provided labor.  She made the labor position more attractive by allowing me to skip at a wee dram of Scotch as I worked.  

The last time I attempted working with anyone on a similar project, my brother-in-law and put together an electric fireplace.  The instructions said we could complete the task in 45 minutes.  We finished three days after starting and had a lot of pieces left over.  Happily, we remained on speaking terms throughout.

Desiree and I managed pretty well on this project.  We constructed the plant stand in something near an hour and did so without a single snotty exchange.  Not only that, the stand turned out sturdy and square.

The gloves were of no help.

Desiree With Pieces Scattered on the Carpet

The Finished Product in the Sunroom

—Mitchell Hegman

Summer’s Final Bounty

Rabbitbrush is among the last of the prairie plants to bloom.  The bushes push through until the very end of summer before putting forth their array of yellow flowers.

When they do bloom, they display in spectacular abundance.  Some shoulders along the road to my house blush entirely yellow at the peak of the rabbitbrush bloom.

But the most interesting aspect of the bloom is the reaction of insects.  Ravenous insects of all brands swarm the brush once they bloom.  Every six-legged thing in the neighborhood seems obsessed with the blossoms.  If you approach a rabbitbrush on a warm, calm day during the bloom, you will find, honeybees, bumble bees, flies, all manner of wasps, ants, beetles, and even moths browsing through the flowers.  At times, a halo of winged insects will hover about the brush.

Everyone recognizes this is summer’s final bounty.

In just the last few days, the local rabbitbrush started putting forth blossoms wholesale.  Yesterday, I spent a few minutes watching insects at work on a large bush at the front of my home.  I have posted a few images from my time there.

 

Rabbitbrush at the Front of my House

A Bee at Work

A Moth at Work

—Mitchell Hegman

Return to the Country

Stuff doesn’t work in the Philippines.  Power and internet connections are intermittent.  Locally manufactured cling-wrap plastic doesn’t cling.  Aluminum foil tears apart when you apply.

Some items can’t be found.  Other items that can be found are expensive due to high shipping costs incurred to reach the island nation.

For the last month or so, Desiree and I have been purchasing dry goods, canned goods, and products difficult or impossible to fine in the Philippines.  Among the standard items such as aluminum foil and plastic wrap, we added Dot’s Pretzels, High County brand beef jerky, jars of my homemade huckleberry jam, and packets of Kirkland brand bacon bits.

The other night, we packed all these items (and much more) into a balikbayan box.

The compound word “balik-bayan” means a return to the country.  Heavy-duty corrugated boxes are stuffed full of items sent home to the Philippines by Filipinos.  They are transported (sometimes taking many months for travel) by way of cargo ships at sea and are sent for flat rate if weighing 120 pounds or less.

The boxes may hold almost anything (firearms, illicit drugs, and a few other items are not allowed) and most items arrive duty-free if the boxes have been shipped home by Filipinos living overseas.

We will be shipping our box to Desiree’s daughters in Manila.  I have previously, by other methods of shipping, sent my homemade huckleberry jam to them.  They are pretty much addicted to that.  I am a bit worried about the girls getting addicted to Dot’s Pretzels.

Goodies Ready to Pack

Box Ready to Go

—Mitchell Hegman

Christmas in September

The “Ber” months are upon us. You know: September, October, November, December.

While this may not be a huge deal for most of us, if you live with someone from the Philippines, you need to brace for the Ber months.  On the islands of the Philippines, all the Ber months are set aside for celebrating Christmas.  You may see decorations going up in public places as early as late August.  By mid-September, a flourish of Christmas decorations will appear in stores and private settings alike.

Yesterday, Desiree asked me to help hang two Capiz lanterns.

“If you stop standing on my flowers when you water yours, I will do anything you want.” I suggested.

Actually, I said “okay,” but I wanted to say that.

Desiree brought the Capiz lanterns with her when she came here in May.  Capiz lanterns, if you are unfamiliar, are elaborate Christmas lights fashioned from windowpane oyster shells.  They are as lovely and “islandy’ as you get when celebrating Christmas.

This morning, I woke the Christmas on the islands.

Capiz Lantern in the Sunroom

Video of a Lantern at Our Bay Window

—Mitchell Hegman

Watering the Flowers (His and Hers)

Flowers around the outside of my house are a pretty big deal.  Between living on a pile of rocks and regular raids by ravenous deer, it’s a wonder any kind of flower survives.  I have, however, established a couple populations of flowers that do pretty well.

One such flower—a purple exotic given to me many years ago—thrives near the back deck.   The area is somewhat protected from the harsh summer sun.  Additionally, I hauled in decent soil for that spot.

When Desiree was given a few exotics this spring, I suggested she plant them near the deck with my flowers. 

Today, I am posting a photograph of Desiree watering her flowers.  I would like to point out that she is standing on some of my tough flower rosettes so she can water hers.

Desiree Standing on My Flowers to Water Hers

—Mitchell Hegman

Nigeria Donkey Penises Seized

The headline above stopped me in my tracks.  Naturally, I had to drop in and read the story.

A few days ago, 16 sacks of donkey penises were seized from smugglers at the international airport in Lagos, Nigeria.  The penises, which are used in traditional Chinese medicine, were bound for market in Hong Kong.

The shadowy market for Nigerian donkey penises and skins is broad enough to be diminishing the donkey population to a point where they are threatened with extinction.  Lawmakers in Nigeria have passed laws prohibiting the international sales of donkey skins and penises to save the animals.

Rest assured; I am no threat to the donkeys.  I prefer my medicine in the form of tiny, blandly-colored pills chased by a shot of Scotch.   

—Mitchell Hegman

Source: AP

Window Stickers

I framed the shell of my cabin during the summer of 2003.  In the waning days of fall, I installed the window and door package.  I used a borrowed bucket lift truck to install the high gable windows on the cabin’s front wall.

Given the hurried nature of the work, I didn’t take time to remove several small (reluctant) stickers from the exterior panes before fastening in place the windows.  I reasoned I could remove the stickers later.  The fact I needed a bucket truck to install the high windows should have been a clue I was making a mistake.

For the following nineteen years, several times each year, I glanced up at the stickers and regretted not removing them.  Earlier this summer, I pointed out the stickers to someone visiting the cabin.  “I’ve been planning to remove those stickers for nearly two decades now,” I said.  “It hasn’t worked out so well.”

Over the weekend, Desiree and I dragged my extension ladder out from storage in the lower level of the cabin.  After a bit of wrangling, we hoisted the ladder to the elevated deck and I finally climbed up to the windows and scraped the badly deteriorating stickers from the glass.

When initially designing the cabin, I envisioned a wall of glass in the front.  I thought about that as a I scrubbed at the glue from the last sticker I removed.

Probably a good thing I used less windows.

A Window Sticker

Me Removing Stickers

—Mitchell Hegman

The Big Splat

I am about to give you the answer to a question.  Before I do, I will give you a moment to grab a pencil and a sheet of paper so you can jot it down.

Okay, now that you are back, let’s go for it.

The answer is: Mitch Hegman

And the question is: What kind of moron knocks a bottle of red wine off an open endcap display and splats the contents across the floor at the grocery store.

Weirdly enough, the bottle bounced once (in rubber ball fashion) before shattering.

Immediately after breaking the bottle, I ran down the nearest store employee and pointed out the mess.  “I will pay for the wine,” I told the man.  “It’s alcohol abuse…and someone should pay.”

“No need,” he assured me.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Okay.  Thank you.  My apologies.”

A Big Wine Splat (with a Skylight Reflection)

The Guilty Party

—Mitchell Hegman

Toilet Paper Dispenser Technology

Oddly enough, we need to talk about toilet paper dispensers for the second time this year.

Perhaps you recall a post from late April in which I shared the following photograph of an impressive “quad” dispenser:

Quad Dispenser

While the quad dispenser didn’t significantly contribute to a change in toilet paper dispenser design, I found myself impressed with the “doomsday prepper” mentality it represents  

Today, I bring you the very latest in toilet paper dispenser technology.  I found the dispenser while overnighting in a motel room in Roundup, Montana.  We are talking, of course, about a toilet paper dispenser with an attached shelf for your cellphone.

I stared at the shelf for quite a while, considering whether the shelf was a brilliant idea or merely grim.

I am still working on my answer…

Toilet Paper Dispenser with a Phone Shelf

—Mitchell Hegman

A Day with Dinosaurs, Part 3

DESIREE: “Maybe you should have used an apple for comparison.”

ME: “You think?  But a beer is more me.”

DESIREE: “I just wonder what people will think.”

ME: “Maybe an apple would be better.”

The conversation above occurred after I showed Desiree the photographs I took of the bones and petrified wood I gathered on our dinosaur bone hunting excursion.  I placed a can of Cold Smoke beer alongside the fossils as a reference for size.  In my hometown of East Helena, Montana, most everything is measured against a can of beer.  But I do take Desiree’s point on this.  Sadly, not everyone is from East Helena.

A few words about subjects in my photographs:

First of all, petrified wood lay strewn about almost everywhere in the badlands area we meandered.  I am not exaggerating when I say you could fill a wheelbarrow with the stuff.   I collected only a handful of specimens I found especially intriguing.  Additionally, I needed to limit the weight in my backpack.

Insofar as dinosaur bones are concerned, I collected only bits and pieces of no great value to the serious study of the “terrible lizards”.  But the fragments mean a lot to the seven-year-old boy still found within me.  Looking at them, touching them, fills me with wonder.

My Collected Petrified Wood Specimens

My Bone and Tendon Fragments

—Mitchell Hegman