I’ve taken to shooting my neighbor’s cattle.
Don’t press the panic button just
yet. I’m not using my hunting rifle. I’m shooting them with my Red Ryder BB
rifle, and the BBs bounce right off the cattle without harm. But the landed
shots annoy them enough that they move on. I also tell the cattle I don’t like
them while carefully placing shots.
“And stay away,” I yell after the
cattle when they finally rumble off.
The idea here, plainly enough, is to
keep these coarse, poop-as-they-go invaders a fair distance from my good stuff.
Cattle, in addition to grazing greenery down to nubs, are destructive in their
oafishness. They stomp too hard when plodding around. They rub and lean against
most anything upright. And then we have the cowpies.
I’ll admit, I probably enjoy shooting
cattle more than I should. It’s far more satisfying than peppering cans and
bottles. Plus, I get a kick out of how the little ones sometimes let out a
surprised “murp” when I land a good shot.
This is some official Montana living I’m doing right here.
—Mitchell Hegman
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