Photography And Half-Thoughts By Mitchell Hegman

...because some of it is pretty and some of it is not.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

50/50 (Savants versus Serial Killers)


An estimated 50 savants are thought to populate our planet at this time.   Savant syndrome is a mental condition where those afflicted have extremely limited (autistic) mental capacity and low social function with the exception of one seemingly unearthly mental capacity or skill.  Some savants, as example, cannot tie their own shoes but can calculate any square root in their head in milliseconds.   Some can recall exact times and dates for events going back thousands of years.  Perhaps you recall the movie Rain Man inspired by life of a savant named Kim Peek.
Though nearly all savants sacrifice communication skills and normal levels of function to gain the unfathomable abilities to play piano or calculate or paint, one young savant from Britain seems entirely normal.  Daniel Tammet is called a high-functioning savant.  His extraordinary abilities are in a vast memory and, in particular, math and language acquisition.   He has shown the ability to speak, read, and fully understand almost any language in one week.  He is capable of calculations that are beyond the ability of most hand-held calculators.  In one demonstration, he sat down and recalled—without error—the first 20,000 numbers of Pi.  This feat took him over five hours.  Tammet claims to “see and sense” numbers in his mind more than “think” them.  Often, the numbers are a specific shape or texture in his mind.   He claims that the number nine is very large and intimidating.  The skyscrapers in New York City make him feel the same way as the number nine.  Tammet describes the number 333 as attractive and the number 289 as especially ugly.
At the same time that the world is home to these estimated 50 savants, here in the United States an estimated 50 serial killers are thought to be “at work.”  Serial killers are usually quite brilliant, though not to the elevation of a savant.   The emergence of serial killers often seems to be founded on environmental conditions—most have experienced abuse and an odd relationship with their mother.  The critical difference between savants and serial killers is in their ability to function in normal society.  Though sociopathic and driven to kill without remorse, most serial killers fake normalcy to such a degree they are often respected by peers and acquaintances.  Ted Bundy, in spite of murdering at least 30 women (and even keeping the severed heads of some victims for a time as mementos), was quite handsome and developed a charming false surface that fooled virtually everyone.  Bundy even maintained a somewhat stormy relationship with a woman that lasted more than five years.  For a while he was an active member of the Republican Party in Washington State.
So here we have 50/50.  Mis-wired, the human brain can do marvelous or reckless things.  I am sometimes thankful for ending up with my own “wired to minimum Code standards” brain—one that has on occasion directed me to place my cell-phone in the freezer and then set the loaf of bread on the counter.
I am happy and mostly harmless.       
--Mitchell Hegman

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Eyes Closed


When I close my eyes, the sound of a dog barking becomes a soft rubber ball in the palm of my hand.  When I roll my right arm, my wife is alive in our kitchen and delicately chopping coriander against her bamboo cutting board.  If I keep my eyes closed, everything around me—lamps, dressers, the edge of doors—everything is round and smooth.
My left arm is an infant slumbering beside me.
When I close my eyes, the nightsky is tourmaline and the stars are brilliant inclusions.  
But a little deeper inside me is the fading roll of a guitar, the sensation of a breast against my shoulder, and a single river stone pressed cool against my left foot.  And these are immortal.
--Mitchell Hegman

 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

PT Cruiser


One day, a few summers back, my brother-in-law drove his family all the way up to my house in Montana (from Las Vegas) in his PT Cruiser.  I was pretty excited when they finally turned into my drive.  Naturally, I rushed out there to greet everyone and snap a picture of the automobile’s taillight.

--Mitchell Hegman

Monday, March 11, 2013

It’s Christmas When the Coloring Book Says So


Yesterday, my nephew’s wife, Natalya gave me an envelope with “UNCL MITCH” scrawled across the face.  When I opened the envelope I found a picture of Santa Claus that her little girl, Margo, had colored for me. 
You know what?  As far as I am concerned it is Christmas again.
I posted Santa on my refrigerator.
Merry Christmas Everyone! 
From me and Margo.

--Mitchell Hegman

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Explosive Sex Acts in Mid-Air


Honey bees make love in mid-air.  Please dispel any notion that the act is romantic.  First off, a whole mob of drones (boy bees) chase after the lone queen bee in the mating ritual.  The drones are considered second-class citizens in the colony and those that survive the mating ritual will eventually be kicked out of the hive. In the frenzied mating rituals, a swarm of males will follow the queen from the hive and out into the open air.  When a particular drone feels frisky, he might take a run at the queen.  If successful in catching the queen in mid-air, he will insert his penis inside her.  That’s where the real trouble begins.  An explosive climax will rupture his penis and he will then fall to the ground and perish, tearing away from his penis and leaving it inside the queen.
The queen will entertain multiple males before being sated.  

  
--Mitchell Hegman

Saturday, March 9, 2013

Doctors Remove a Screwdriver from a Man’s Forehead


Okay, first of all, the guy is Polish.
I am Polish. 
We may not be the brightest bulbs in the pack.
So this Polish man wakes from falling on the ground while doing some work in his garden.  His head is pounding.  He walks to his car and looks at himself in the rear view mirror.  Yep—sure enough—a screwdriver is protruding from his forehead.
That’s a little weird!
He smokes a cigarette and then asks a neighbor to find a way to get him to the hospital.
The doctors remove the screwdriver.
The man smokes more cigarettes.

--Mitchell Hegman

Friday, March 8, 2013

Tweaked Horse


On my way to work yesterday I came upon a lone horse in a pasture just as the sun splayed rays across the landscape.  When I stepped out to take a photograph, the horse immediately trotted across the field to greet me at the fence.  I gave it four carrots and then let it sniff my camera before I snapped a picture. 
Just for fun, I tweaked the colors on this one.


--Mitchell Hegman