Today we gather at the corner of First and Main.
As a social experiment, the city has decided to randomly capture people in nets and relocate them to different neighborhoods. Details can be found in a pamphlet we will be handing out a bit later.
The Parks Department is pleased to announce that they have received a private grant to construct a bounce park for pet turtles.
The police department reports that little Francine, the girl who beat cancer, has stolen the heart of the city.
A reminder as we approach the heat of summer: Water is awesome!
Finally, starting next Tuesday, anyone named Hank shall be referred to as “the person formerly known as Hank.”