I Do Not Eat Beautifully

I was told, just the other day, that I do not eat beautifully.  I bite my fork, which will eventually damage my teeth.  Biting my fork also sounds like a car crash in miniature.  As a bottom line on this, I make un-food-like noises as I eat.

I suppose that I am a workmanlike in my intake.

Retrieving foodstuff from my plate, I tend to go about it (as a friend refers to any unorganized activity) like a man killing snakes.  I swoop in from all angles.  I roll morsels around on my bowl willy-nilly.  I clash my utensils against the plate and indelicately scoop things up.  I drop bits of this and that to the table.  On occasion, salad might be flung far and wide.  Often, I wear splashes of my food for the rest of the day.

I do not eat beautifully, but I am reasonably normal otherwise.

--Mitchell Hegman