A long time ago, I learned that I can somewhat
control when and where I go to the bathroom but I cannot be king of the
world. More recently I have learned the
following:
—I
cannot fix much of anything with a bigger hammer.
—My
carpets will not vacuum themselves, but my cats’ fur will collect everything
from bat guano to lost earrings.
—I
am not getting more attractive with age (and I did not have great start to
begin with).
—Some
of my friends are spurring the economy by purchasing penis-enlargement products,
beer, and firearms.
—The
economy is improving.
--Mitchell
Hegman
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