Dude, Have You Seen My Brains?

Some fairly important people are missing their brains.  While you might guess that I am referencing some of your nearest relatives or perhaps a local employer, I am really talking about the staff at the University of Texas.

Before you start in on any jokes about a Montanan, a Texan, and the Pope entering a gay bar in Missoula, I would like to note that the missing brains are, in crass terms, pickled specimens long preserved in jars of formaldehyde.  The brains in question—something near 100 of them—were being held in storage for Austin State Hospital.  One of the missing brains is thought to be that of Charles Whitman, the so called “clock tower sniper.”  Mr. Whitman killed 16 people and wounded 32 others at the University of Texas in 1966.

While you might be able to explain how your relatives came to be missing their sense of humor or explain how your boss lost all common sense, explaining the loss of dozens of whole pickled brains in jars is a notable mystery.  The missing brains were used for studies by the University of Texas Psychology Department.  Any value placed on the brains, beyond their use in university studies or their use as Halloween backdrops, is uncertain.

You are now welcome to launch into a joke about three men locked in a small room filled with pickled brains: a professor of psychology from Texas, a cowboy from Montana, and surfer from California.  I am favoring a joke about milk cartons with an illustration of the human brain printed on the back and the simple caption: “Missing.”

--Mitchell Hegman