I Think She Likes Me

A friend of mine is convinced that he is a major attraction to women.  He is no more attractive to the opposite sex than any other guy with average looks and a pot belly, mind you, but this does little to discourage what we shall call his abundant imagination.  Honestly, he is convinced that every girl he meets is hot for him.  Just to show you what I am mean, I present the following conversation:

Setting: My ladies’ man friend and I are leaving a hardware store.  He has just purchased a small sack of mixed bird seed.

Ladies’ Man (Grinning and swinging his sack of bird seed): Hey, did you notice that girl back there in the store?

Me: Which girl?  There were a bunch of them in the store.

Ladies’ Man: The girl in the bird seed aisle.

Me: Of course I noticed her.  She was nearly standing on my toes.  Why?

Ladies’ Man: She wants me.

Me: Wow.  I did not catch that.

Ladies’ Man (Holding forth the sack of bird seed): Didn’t you notice how she came right up to me and started talking and then helped me pick out this seed?  I think she likes me.

Me: Yeah…I did notice that.  But she is friendly with customers because she works there.  That’s what she is paid to do. She sells bird seed.  I also noticed that the checker gave you proper change.  Does that mean she has the hots for you, too?

Ladies’ Man: Screw you, Mitch.

--Mitchell Hegman