Amended Rules for Deer

Living with deer can be frustrating because they like to eat everything from decorative plants to shade trees. When I first moved out into the country (let’s call it Deerville), I thought I would establish a few modest rules. You know, things such as: no eating wifey’s lilies, no nibbling at my saplings, no munching on the native currant bushes.

Well, the deer ruffled me by not playing along at all. I grudgingly realized I could best avoid frustration by amending the rules. By amending them, I mean softening them to a point where it’s easy for the deer to abide by them. To that end, I’ve pretty much whittled all the rules down to a single agreement: that they don’t bound up onto my back deck and eat my stack of woodstove kindling. They can have their way with the rest.

With the proper rules established, we get along swimmingly.

—Mitchell Hegman