Panic Mode

Some time ago, we established two truths. First, bacon is the duct tape of food. You can fix pretty much anything with it. Second, as my friend Gary suggested, it’s never too early to panic. Given that, let’s talk about my last shopping trip to Costco.

Costco carries a product I require on a regular basis: bacon bits, in particular 1.25 lb. bags of Kirkland Brand bacon crumbles. These are the Mona Lisa of bacon bits. We are talking pure art here.

And this is where the panic part comes in. On my last shopping excursion to Costco, I couldn’t find the crumbles. I made two rounds through the section of the store where I normally find them. As it now stands, I’m down to my last partial bag.

I don’t want to say I panicked in the all-in Scooby-Doo sense, but an argument could be made for something just a notch less than that.

—Mitchell Hegman