Dumb Ideas

Following is a list of my dumb ideas (not in any particular order):

• Building a wooden ramp for jumping my Stingray bicycle without the use of nails or screws to hold it together.
• Transplanting a cactus without gloves.
• Keeping a pet tarantula in a terrarium with an unweighted screen on top of it.
• Using an extra dash of accelerant to start a fire.
• Keeping a pet tarantula.
• Dressing myself in the dark.
• Not watching the movie E.T. until fifteen years after its debut.
• Dressing myself.
• Throwing out my life-sized cardboard cutout of Salma Hayek.
• Checking to see if a fence was electrified by touching it.

—Mitchell Hegman