A Few More Bad Ideas

Here short list of bad ideas I have been working on:

• Magnetic Game Dice
• Disposable Promise Rings
• Scentless Air Fresheners
• Miniature Magnifying Glasses
• Battery-Powered Battery Chargers
• Grizzly Bear Attractant

—Mitchell Hegman

Bandage Transformation

Early yesterday morning, I applied a bandage to my thumb due to a split on the tip. After a rigorous day, which included a bit of weeding and an hour of shoveling road mix, I discovered that the adhesive strip bandage had transformed into what I can only describe as a 'bull' bandage.

I have shared a photograph.

A Bull Bandage

—Mitchell Hegman

Growth (Lemon Tree Update)

If I can trust the information that dislodges and floats up as I kick at the internet, a young lemon tree growing in ideal conditions will undergo growth spurts on a 4-to-6-week cycle.

I have a lemon tree. Mine is stuck in a sunroom in Montana, which provides stable temperatures but may not be optimum in other regards, so its growth sessions stretch a bit beyond 6 weeks. That said, the lemon tree fired off new shoots about a week ago. In that short span of time, one branch has extended about 4 inches of new growth.

I’m impressed with that kind of work.

Some of my interweb research suggests that I may see lemons after only 2 years. That would make me happy, but I’m willing to hang on no matter how long it takes. I have shared a photograph of the new lemon tree growth alongside a Cold Smoke Beer (for some sense of scale).

New Lemon Tree Growth

—Mitchell Hegman

The Wasp Thing

I have been rethinking the wasp thing. You know, that thing where I curse at wasps and try to swat them. Turns out not all wasps are dirty lowdown, food-stealing, stinging bastards. There are wasps out there doing good work.

While out busting up a couple of tent caterpillar nests in one of my chokecherry trees, I observed a dark-colored wasp hunting the caterpillars right alongside me. And, of course, there are wasps that prey on spiders, something I fully endorse. Finally, we have huckleberries.

Huckleberries are weird. First, they only grow in beautiful settings. Secondly, their blossoms hang down very much like tiny bells. That’s a problem. The orientation and shape of huckleberry blossoms exclude many species of insects, honeybees included, from being able to use the flower and, in turn, act as a pollinator. A study conducted by researchers from Montana State University documented insects visiting globe huckleberry flowers in May and June. Approximately 47% of the visitors were bumblebees, which can access the goodies (pollen) in the flowers through buzz pollination. Wasps accounted for 23% of the visitors.

That’s correct – we need to thank wasps as we harvest our huckleberries. Well, that’s a game-changer for me.

A Pair of Huckleberry Blossoms

—Mitchell Hegman

Lost and Found

Fairly often, I use the early hours of the morning as a time to spiff up the kitchen. Yesterday, somewhere around 5:30 am, with fans drawing in cool air from outside and dispersing it all around me, I tackled washing and drying a few stray dishes. Naturally, I found myself regularly distracted by remembering where I last placed my coffee cup, chasing two frisky moths that kept flying up at my face, and a dozen lesser things.

At some point, I lost track of the dish towel I was using. Frowning, because I couldn't see the towel anywhere, I scoured the kitchen for two or three minutes. And then, by chance, I glanced down and found the towel draped over my right shoulder.

The Dish Towel

—Mitchell Hegman

Morning Report, 8-2-2023

I have six windows and a door open, along with seven fans pushing last night’s cool air into my house. August has arrived snarling with daytime heat. Last night, I munched down too many Dot’s Homestyle Pretzels before going to bed. The pretzels are addictive enough that I think they should carry some form of warning on the package.

In more shocking news, an aggressive sea otter in California is stealing surfboards from surfers in the lineup at Santa Cruz. The otter forces itself onto the boards despite the presence of the riders. Sometimes, the otter even munches on the boards.

Finally, my sister told me about a woman who is addicted to eating toilet paper. That’s pretty unusual, I think. I wonder how she handled that weird toilet paper shortage during the pandemic a couple of years back?

End of report.

—Mitchell Hegman

My Kick-Around Shoes

It’s a strange point of fact that the older and more worn a shirt is, the better it fits, and the more comfortable it feels. My brother-in-law, Terry, wore one particular sweatshirt until it more or less rotted off him. I gave up one of my favorite jackets when only one sleeve fell off.

I presently have a favorite pair of well-worn “kick-around” shoes. By kick-around shoes, I mean a pair I like to use for rough duty, for getting in mud, or kicking around in the dirt. I wore them yesterday for a possibly muddy and assuredly rough excursion into the mountains. Before heading for the high country, I dropped into my dentist's office for a scheduled cleaning. When I sat in the chair and the hygienist brought my head down and feet up, I said, “Never mind my shoes. I have money for a new pair, but these are good for tumbling around in the sticks, which is where I am headed after we finish up here.”

“I get that,” the hygienist responded.

Sadly, my shoes are almost worn to the point of needing to be replaced. They have reached the duct tape stage, which is never good.

My Kick-Around Shoes

—Mitchell Hegman