Imagine you are a Pennsylvanian. Actually, you don’t need to be a Pennsylvanian. You can be a Montanan. It would even be okay to be from Rhode Island.
That’s kind of a funny story, Rhode Island.
Back in the day, I and my buddy Kevin ended up touring Mainland China with a guy from Rhode Island. He was an honest-to-goodness film critic—the first and last one of those I ever met.
Kevin gave the guy a funny look when he first mentioned he was from Rhode Island. “So,” Kevin says, “we are from Montana and we call ourselves Montanans. What do you call yourself? A Rodent?”
Fortunately, the guy from Rhode Island, Mike, had a decent sense of humor.
Now, let’s get back to Pennsylvania. You can be from anywhere, but you are walking through a city park in Philadelphia. Of course, you are minding your own business. All shocking stories require this. Then, of a sudden (because there is no other way this could happen) a five-pound catfish falls through a tree and knocks you on flat on your ass.
This really happened the other day!
A woman named Lisa Lobree was walking to a CoreFitness class through Fairmount Park when she heard something rustling through the trees. Before she could look up, something smacked her on the head and knocked her to the ground. The “something” then bounced off Lisa’s friend, Annie.
“Oh my God! It was a fish!” Annie yelped.
At this point, both women clearly saw the dead catfish lying on the ground nearby.
Lisa could smell the fish as she reached up to feel a cut near her eye.
Before you get all freaky and imagine that the tree murdered the fish or imagine the fish lived in the tree and only fell out after having a massive fish-heart attack, you need to know that witnesses reported a large bird flapping away from the area.
Strange, but plausible.
Lisa suffered only minor injuries, but did not make it to her exercise class. The women also managed to get cellphone photographs of the fish. I have posted one of those for you.
By the way, you call people living in Philadelphia “Philadelphians.” I think “Philidelphineans” sounds better.
Gotta have that “fin” sound.